WWE Monday Night Raw
Nexus is out to brag at length about their successes over The Undertaker, John Cena, Sheamus and Randy Orton last week. It’s okay, but it goes on too long. Orton is the first one to interrupt. Two problems. First, they claim to single-handedly have taken out The Undertaker. There are 5 of them. They can’t do anything single-handedly. They also claim they will bring the title back home to Nexus. They never had it in the first place, how can they bring it back? The E-Gm E-pipes up to book Nexus in some singles matches. Gabriel v Cena. Orton v Barrett. And yeah, Nexus banned from ringside. I feel like we’ve done this before and with more than just two Nexus members in action.
Jericho is out and E-GM is pissed at him and Edge for walking out of the main event last week. So tonight they both have matches and if they lose they are out of the Six Pack Challenge. Jericho’s opponent is “Job” Morrison. Just to show how little a threat Morrison is Jericho spends most of the match yelling at Michael Cole demanding to know who the E-GM is. At this point? A let down, that’s who. Seriously, there is no credible GM option that is worth all the build up. I’ve already said Paul Heyman, but I’d also love to see John “Bradshaw” Layfield to take up the position. But then, to everyone’s amazement, Morrison actually wins! What is going on with his contract negotiations?
Melina puts her title on the line before the Unification Match at Night of Champions. Alicia Fox calls it the Undefined Championship. She screws up big again. What does anyone see in this woman? After that performance even if she had been booked to win the match they would have changed it on the fly. Dreadful, just dreadful.
Maybe The Miz will save the show. Coming later “The Road to Awesome”. I’m down with that. Edge gripes to Zack Ryder about having to put his shot on the line. These two bring the funny. And they want to face each other tonight. Edge even threatens the E-GM’s laptop. Is Zack Ryder turning face? Is he the new Funaki? Well anything that gets his sweet entrance music played every week is fine with me.
Maryse is with Ted Dibiase. Somebody has a stalker, but both of them think they’re the object of the stalker’s affections. Again, entertaining but not what I want to make up a large portion of my wrestling program. The mid-show match is Cena/Gabriel. The simple fact this is an average length match tells you Justin Gabriel is among the best of Nexus. Cena picks up the win, but it’s an acceptable teenage match.
Is Jerry Lawler actually trying to convince us Legendary has a low screen count by choice? At least they show a new preview of the film. This will probably air on every WWE show this week.
The Miz has been in WWE for six years now? Wow. Oh they are going all the way back to Tough Enough. Miz is at his best when he’s speaking from his heart. And going through his career and saying what other people said about him at the time is right up his alley. And demanding the audience admit they were wrong? Well, allow me to admit I was. Yay! It’s Daniel Bryan, now with bad entrance music, on interruption duty tonight. He mocks his own entrance music. He mocks his rookie status. And yes! Bryan wants a US Title Shot. A rare screw up from Miz as he calls Summerslam, Smackdown. What’s in the water in DC? Is the collective stupidity of that many politicians in one place contagious? Miz actually accepts the challenge. Miz attacks. Bryan counters and goes for the Crossface and Alex Reilly arrive. Bryan comes out on top, getting Reilly to tap out. They’ve given Bryan’s finisher an official name, but I’ll be damned if I can make it out.
Edge comes out, but it’s not Zack Ryder who will face him. It’s The Great Khali. Edge teases smashing the computer but, sadly, no. Edge wastes a lot of time mocking Khali by playing Frankenstein’s Monster outside the ring. Then Edge goes after Khali’s brother and tricks Khali into getting counted out. Dud of a match and not that entertaining. So E-GM restarts the match as a No-DQ Over-the-to-rope challenge. For once it’s a good bait and switch on WWE’s part.
Josh “Nobody Likes You” Matthews tries to interview Chris Jericho. He says nothing. So John Morrison shows up to check if Jericho still considers himself the best in the world at what he does. Maybe, when I had finally written off Morrison, he’s getting a third or fourth chance.
Sheamus is out to watch the main event. Kanrak says: Sheamus interferes to cost Randy Orton the match. I’ve been wrong once tonight, but then Cena and Edge join too and there’s five guys on commentary. This will be a cluster****. Did they just say next week is Raw Roulette? I love Raw Roulette. Cena vows to face the winner of this match next week.
Solid match. Barrett’s finisher is now called Wasteland. Darren Young comes out? I had hoped we’d seen the last of him and now they want to make him a face? And I’m wrong twice tonight as Orton takes advantage of the distraction to RKO Barrett for the win. Darren Young tries to be buddy, buddy with Orton only to eat an RKO. This kills the tiny amount of heat Young had managed to regain with his interruption. Edge attacks, RKO. Sheamus attacks, RKO. Man, Randy Orton really is the new Steve Austin. Well, he had a better start than the Ringmaster. That leaves Orton and Cena to have a long staredown. RAW just loves going over time lately.
Any RAW you can call unpredictable is a step up. This wasn’t bad but too many people who are not in the hunt for a title are spinning their wheels waiting to get past Night of Champions. And we still don’t have #1 contenders for the Tag Championships.
LaBelle Lock is the name of Bryan’s finisher.
Okay, remember that incredible 6’9” NXT rookie I was gushing over last week? Well, she already got canned. Apparently there are some less than PG pictures of her online. Didn’t WWE used to make deals with Playboy to have its Divas pose in the magazine annually? So, anyway the new, all diva NXT kicks off with only five weeks left before Smackdown takes its timeslot. No word on the future of the show after that.
There are only six rookies, as befits a five-week season. They are:
Jamie / Pro: Bella Twins
- the former announcer from this show
- loves the Twilight Saga, well, that will teach her how to suck
- she gives 110%. That really sets her apart
Aksana / Pro: Goldust
- former fitness model
- it helps to be able to pronounce the letter W when you work for WWE
Naomi / Pro: Kelly Kelly
- sassy, funny, feisty
- sings, raps, dances
AJ / Pro: Primo
- also feisty
- writes poetry, screenplays
- likes comics, plays video games
- she wants an action figure with exaggerated body parts
Maxine / Pro: Alicia Fox
- they don’t let Alicia talk long after her major flubs on RAW
- they are playing up her confidence
- she has business sense, street sense and common sense. And yet she’s on this show
??? / Vickie Guererro
- they keep it a secret for now
- her name is Katlene
- most of us were hoping for Awesome Kong
- she’ll give you a wedgie
None of these people stand out yet. Wait, how can the first elimination be in four weeks? Did this show get a new timeslot? Are they going to keep adding new WWE stars forever? The dance off sucks but whoever wins the most challenges in the first four weeks is immune to being voted off at the first elimination. Naomi wins this time.
The hard sell of Legendary continues. Naomi seems to have some skill in the ring. Maxine, not so much. There’s a flag grabbing race challenge too. Naomi wins again. She’s getting a bit of a push here, isn’t she? But overall, I’m not impressed. WWE doesn’t value what I value in Divas, which is talent in the ring itself. This looks to be a lackluster season no matter how long it lasts.
Recaps for Smackdown and TNA to come…