Wrestling Recaps

Welcome to an all Smackdown wrestling recap!

We’re going way back with the opening promo. All the way to Teddy Long voiceovering the initial announcement of Undertaker being injured. We move on to Kane accusing Rey. The Taker’s return and the brothers feuding since. So what is Smackdown bringing to Night of Champions? The tired Kane/Undertaker match. One half of the women’s unification match and maybe Kofi/Dolph which is getting stale too.

But there are bright spots and Alberto Del Rio is one of them. The ring is decked out for a celebration. There’s a guy with appetizers – I’m not kidding. He destroys a piñata in a Rey Mysterio mask. Somebody has to shut this guy up and then job to him later and it looks like it’s going to be Christian. Captain Charisma calls him JBL, Juan Bradshaw Layfield. Then Enrique Iglesias. So, we’re hitting some of the obvious bits already, but apparently Christian already has a match tonight. That won’t stop them from getting into a fight. Alberto acts game then smiles as he leaves. “Another place, another time.” McIntyre jumps Christian, they have the match later but Del Rio still doesn’t take advantage.

Christian is hurt going into the match with Drew McIntytre and McIntyre has no problem taking advantage. Regardless, Christian wins the match with an out of nowhere cradle and Drew McIntyre sure isn’t “The Chosen One” any more.

Michelle McCool faces Kelly Kelly. Layla on commentary is far more interesting than the in-ring action. When does Mrs. Undertaker ever lose? Did you know WWE went to China? Because they’re sure telling us a lot. Why would we want Hornswoggle to speak? And why would we want to see a bad actor playing a psychologist giving a leprechaun electro shock therapy?

I see Chris Masters in the ring and my hopes fall. Then Vickie Guererro comes out and it only gets worse. At least Dolph Ziggler isn’t facing Kofi Kingston. The match is a squash. Next up, Big Show versus Luke Gallows and CM Punk. With none of these guys holding a championship they look to be left off Night of Champions. So how long will this feud drag out? The match lasts a while, but is a fairly straightforward affair. Show gets a submission victory over Gallows, which is unusual. Then Punk hits the Go To Sleep on Gallows. The Straight Edged Society seems to be on its last legs.

Jack Swagger gets to host the VIP Lounge. Big whoop. There’s his “dad” in a neck brace. Jack does some push-ups before MVP comes out to armchair quarterback Swagger hosting his show. I love how Swagger uses his dad in a wheelchair as a shield. MVP doesn’t look good when he gets physical with Swagger’s injured dad. And, again, we have people who are supposed to be non-wrestlers getting involved in physicality. Exactly the sort of thing that makes people think they can imitate this stuff.

Are all the faces on this show hurt? Matt Hardy limps to the ring to face Cody Rhodes. Cody running down Matt’s current looks is sad because it’s true. Poor Hardy gets buried on the mic and in the match. I think it’s time to say goodbye to Matt. I’ve liked him for a long time but he’s reached the stage where he has no hope to advance and he’s tarnishing his legacy now. Go join TNA where you are young by comparison.

Kane does a lot of talking. Another problem with this feud is that these characters are out of step with modern wrestling. This is not an era where we accept wrestlers having supernatural powers. So putting this two against each other in a feud about being the Devil’s favorite child just seems childish nowadays. Kane gets some nice histrionics in before Taker finally shows his still healing face. Kane disappears in a blackout and, after a long tease, even the coffin is empty. Kane then appears in a pre-taped promo. They’re trying so hard to make Kane seem capable of beating his “brother” but is anyone buying it?

Is anyone buying Night of Champions? So far the big draw to me is the rumored Daniel Bryan versus The Miz match. Is that enough to get me to part with money? I’m not sure yet, but there’s at least a chance. I haven’t been able to say that about a TNA PPV in ages.