Lucian WWE Wrestling Recap

So John Cena is a member of Nexus. What does this mean for the WWE? Well Nexus is opening the show, but no Cena yet. Wade Barrett reveals the mystery men from last night. NXT season two rookies Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicuddy. Barrett feigns ignorance of why they interfered. Barrett is unhappy with the troops for risking the match by coming to ringside. But, more important, it’s time to bring out Cena. Cena is still in his merchandise and he looks like a kicked puppy. Tarver is not happy with Cena. Cena has to don the armband. He also has to read an official statement.

Cena gets a match as a Nexus member as he must choose a partner to face Mark Henry and Evan Bourne. Cena picks Tarver. The match is now. Cena starts and offers a handshake to Bourne. Tarver isn’t pleased with this so Cena tags out. From there, Cena leaves Tarver to the wolves. He always manages to stay just out of tag range and Bourne and Henry pick up the win. Sure, there’s extenuating circumstances, but Evan Bourne and Mark Henry just beat John Cena.

Cena has his own statement to make. He plan to bring Nexus down from within; to be Nexus and against us. He beats down, then STFs Tarver to the extreme. Just when I’m starting to get P.O.ed that Cena is just ignoring the stipulation the anonymous General Manager (E-GM) gives his opinion. Cena agreed to join Nexus. Nexus listens to Wade Barrett. So Cena must listen to Barrett or he will be fired. Poor Cena.

John Cena can’t conceive of life without the WWE. I guess he doesn’t think he can make it as an actor. He spots McGuillicuddy and Harris and chases them, right into the Nexus dressing room. Wade Barrett has big plan for Cena. Barrett is pleased Cena took out Tarver as he’s been planning to get rid of him now. They just keep kicking out the black guys. Barrett tells Cena to make sure he wins the Battle Royal.

Alicia Fox fights Natalya Neidhart, but it barely gets started before Natalya locks on the Sharpshooter and gets an easy win. We call that a squash match. Daniel Bryan faces Sheamus and, again, it’s over before it starts. This time Sheamus attacks in the ropes and refuses to break so he gets disqualified. Bryan ends up out cold.

The guest star, no longer host but star, is Johnny Knoxville of Jackass 3D. He hits Zack Ryder with the big high five hand you might have seen in the commercials. Maryse thinks he’s the stalker. A jealous Dibiase falls victim to the giant hand as well. Maryse throws her shoes at Knoxville. When did throwing shoes become a go to wrestling move? The big hand swats Maryse too. Later, Knoxville comes out to plug his movie and he’s not fast enough to escape Dibiase and Maryse returning. I think Dibiase has new music. Knoxville joins the long line of non-wrestlers that WWE hypocritically uses in action. The stalker is revealed. It’s Goldust. He doesn’t want Teddy. He doesn’t want Maryse either. He’s been stalking the million dollar title. Nice to see that title as more than a prop. And nice to see Goldust being more strange than goofy. He works better that way.

The E-GM has demanded an apology from Edge. No more electronic voice. We’re back to Cole as mouthpiece. Hard to say which is more annoying. Edge is not apologizing. He’s still on his quest against all things stupid. That includes the E-GM and Michael Cole. Another email informs us there will be a twenty man over-the-top-rope Battle Royal for the title shot at Bragging Rights. And Edge isn’t in it because (as widely predicted) Edge has been traded to Smackdown. He’s pleased as punch. He’s getting away from them. Cole gets indignant and Edge threatens to beat him up. That draws The Miz and Alex Reilly, to protect Miz’s #1 fan. They trade some barbs then some blows. Edge takes down both of them and Reilly eats a Spear. Miz gets the last laugh as he surprises Edge with a Skull Crushing Finale.

LayCool are miced for their match with the Bella Twins and it’s annoying, but the Bellas pull the switcheroo and actually score an upset. Weird booking. Again it’s a ridiculously short match. The Battle Royal better be really long.

Say what you will about WWE, but they do good work with the Make a Wish Foundation.

Otunga tries to buddy up with Cena before the main event. They let us know Chris Jericho is “out indefinitely” after his punt to the head by Randy Orton. Evan Bourne’s good luck doesn’t last long as he’s out of the main event almost immediately. Darren Young is in this. Just cut the guy already. Mark Henry gets to look strong, but Cena stops him from eliminating Barrett. The rest of Nexus gang up to take the biggest dog in the yard out from there. When Nexus complains Cena didn’t help Cena tosses Otunga. Barrett ain’t pleased, but he told Cena to be sure he won. He said nothing about the rest of Nexus.

It’s a chaotic match with a lot of people lasting a long time. It’s a good length match too which helps make up for the rest of the show’s matches. The WWE guys lack any cohesion against Nexus, for no good reason other than the story calls for it. The final four are Barrett, Cena, Morrison and Sheamus. Barrett eliminates Morrison. Sheamus Brigue Kicks right over the ropes to the apron and Cena knocks him off. Barrett tells Cena to eliminate himself. I wish they were consistent on the ability to eliminate yourself or not in these matches. There’s a long tease with Cena not willing to comply, but he has to in the end. At last we see the champion as Randy Orton comes out to have a little staredown with the new #1 contender.

The Cena/Nexus storyline took up a lot of the show tonight. Most everything else got the short end of the stick as a result. Yet there was time for Dibiase, Maryse and Goldust. Who does RAW get for Edge anyway? Because with Edge and Jericho gone RAW is less Canadian and awesome at the same time.

NXT is no longer on in the US except online. I don’t know if that means I should be more detailed in my recaps or ignore the show completely. Well, there’s an elimination this week so that’s something. AJ currently leads with 3 competitions won. Aksana and Maxine have none so they have no shot. The others can tie or win by taking two competitions tonight. The first is a mechanical bull riding competition. This is at least good eye candy, especially when the Bella Twins give the initial demonstration by double riding the bull. Aksana wins, which seems counterproductive as it takes away some of the tension of having people have a shot. Since they never announced what happens in a tie I’m betting AJ is winning immunity. Hopefully she has the geek vote and doesn’t need it.

Aksana is busy as she goes right into a match against Maxine. Yes, an actual match on NXT season 3. It’s neither long nor good and ends with a roll-up countering a roll-up. Decidedly lame. I only realized this week just how much they are scraping the bottom of the barrel for pros this time around. Primo? Goldust? Vickie Guererro (who faces Katlyn tonight)? Alicia Fox?!

Competition #2 is a talent show. Aksana does push-ups. Naomi raps, badly. AJ’s talent is flexibility, which is sexier than I expected from her. Jamie’s talent is turning men on. She demonstrates on Matt Striker, even planting a big kiss on him. Yet this is less sexy than AJ. Katlyn uses an easel and marker to draw a terrible stick figure of Vickie. Imbecile Matt Cole spoils it in advance. Please let AJ win this competition and the whole damn thing. Oh wait, Maxine still has to go. It involves Hornswoggle so I’d rather just ignore it. It also involves pies in the face. Lemon meringue, the perfect pie for a brunette. Katlyn wins but that means she’s tied with AJ. It goes to the crowd and Katlyn is the fan favorite overall.

Goldust still has the million dollar championship in his possession as the fake immigration guy shows up. This is a train wreck and I doubt it will bring Aksana any sympathy votes. It may even backfire. Anyway the Katlyn vs. Vickie match is a joke and, of course, Katlyn wins. Anyway, it’s Jamie who gets the boot. Many thought Maxine was a lock but it’s Jamie. Bye bye Jamie.

This show was miles better than last week’s but that doesn’t say much. Still, they are putting effort into it for now. The Jamie/Vickie match was terrible but the video promo leading up to it was stellar. It made me care until the bell rang. In fact, we see signs of coherent storylines all over the place. Cena and Nexus, Edge vs. stupid, Goldust and the million dollar belt. I have to say WWE is doing better lately. We’ll see if Kane and the Undertaker can screw it up on Friday.