It’s less than a week until the Royal Rumble and it seems like we need a few more matches on the card still. A FORTY-MAN Royal Rumble could be long but what’s happening with the secondary titles? Melina vs. Natalya is tonight so there are only three matches on the card I can think of. Also tonight, Miz vs. Edge! And here’s Edge now to start the show. Edge want The Miz now but the anonymous General Manager still holds a grudge so he sends out three guys to try to throw Edge over the top rope and earn #40. Tyson Kidd, Drew McIntyre and Jack Swagger all have a shot but Edge takes them all out quickly. I didn’t buy any of those three earning #40 that easily. Edge decides to smash the laptop again but Cole stalls him until New Nexus (it’s like New Coke) decide to show up. The new guy is Mason Gray. Not sure where Edge went but now The Corre is interrupting the New Nexus. This is a bit silly. And just when we set up a rivalry between the two groups E-GM books Punk vs. Barrett and the loser’s stable is out of the Rumble. Did we mention the special guest referee? It’s John Cena.
John Morrison teams with Mark Henry to face Sheamus and Alberto Del Rio. If you have to spit your gum out during the match, John, don’t chew it in the first place. Michael Tarver is back (sigh) and watching this match on the monitor. The best superstar in the match beats the worst. Can you guess who I mean? I’ll give you a hint, the loser taps out to a Cross-Armbreaker.
The Diva’s Championship is next and we better get a rematch Sunday or this is just a waste. You can do a Diva match in ten minutes from intro to finish; they can’t squeeze that on Sunday’s card? Melina’s constant shrieking lost its charm a loooooooong time ago. Melina does do a neat submission move that’s almost like sitting on someone while you are both on the mat. Of course the obvious counter is to stand up and that’s just what Natalya does, lifting Melina off the ground. Natalya locks on a Sharpshooter then keeps going back and rolls onto her shoulders. Melina folds in half in one of the craziest spots I’ve seen in any wrestling, male or female. It gets a submission of course but Lay-Cool arrives to announce they are claiming their rematch on Sunday. Ok, I can live with that. There’s a Diva’s title match on the Rumble card and, though it’s getting stale, it will be better than the match with Melina was. To be fair that match was better than expected and Melina was clearly giving it her all. It’s getting to the point the Divas wrestling isn’t embarrassing any more. Plus, Awesome Kong still to come!
CM Punk is once again shining in the cult leader role and the New Nexus may just start working because of it. The problem is most of these guys show very little charisma. Cena mocks the extra r in Corre until Miz interrupts him. They can get away with rectum on a PG show? And saying someone smells of raw sewage? Are they actually starting to get clever with insults in the PG era? That would be awesome.
Let me get this straight, not only are they giving away a Champion Versus Champion Match on free TV it’s at the 10:00 hour? This should be a much bigger deal than they are making of it. Dolph Ziggler and his cougar join commentary. The problem with the match is Miz still needs to be carried and Edge isn’t great at carrying the other guy. Edge’s ribs are supposed to be injured so I guess that will matter for the rest of the week. Since we don’t really want a conclusive finish Ziggler attacks Edge to end the match in a DQ. But Orton shows up and cleans house. Orton dominates until Miz hits his leg with the briefcase to allow him to grab his title and run.
Josh Matthews interviews Wade Barrett who reminds us he used to talk about a much bigger picture but apparently it just meant Nexus as a whole. He lost sight of that. No longer. Poor Daniel Bryan is bogged down in a six-member tage match with the Bellas as his partners. Of course, Ted Dibiase is stuck with Maryse and Alyssa Fox so he’s no better off. It’s stupid, awful and short. Maryse wins and we get more of her downgrading Dibiase. The Bellas catch Bryan kissing Gail Kim and they’ve been dating for six months. Some good insults among the women and Gail reminds me we don’t seem to be having guest stars any more.
Harris and Maguillicuddy get the tag champs in a non-title match. The entire match is Santino and Harris with the New Nexus picking up a fairly clean win. Santino actually acted like a serious wrestler for most of the match. Somehow I suspect the main event will end in a tie. We shall see. Cena starts out by ejecting the New Nexus. He lets Punk stew for a bit before ejecting The Corre too. When the bell finally rings Cenaa shoves Punk then decks Barrett and threatens to disqualify them if they fight back. They try to fight each other but Cena interferes, signs autographs during covers the disqualifies both men for profanity and rules neither team goes to the Rumble. The GM is not pleased so he lets everyone into the Rumble. Then he demands John Cena apologize. Cena says sorry to both men then attacks them. Saying sorry and not really meaning it? Is Cena Canadian? The stablemates return and are set to go after Cena nine-on-one until Show’s music plays and a score of Rumble entrants fill the ring. Daniel Bryan is in there so I guess he’s in the Rumble not defending his title.
I called the non-finish to the main event. There was also a non-finish to the Champion Versus Champion match. The best finish of the night was the Divas match. So the whole show really didn’t matter. The Rumble is so huge we’re running short on other storyline to fill the show with. So Smackdown stars are imported to face RAW ones and it all feels like filler. And Friday it continues as Ziggler and The Miz will team to face Edge and Orton. I’m excited for Sunday but the journey there is not going all that well.