Archive for Author Lucian

WWE SmackdownWhat does Smackdown have in store as the Kane/Undertaker feud plods along? They taped in Baltimore last Tuesday. Undertaker is actually wrestling on TV this week as he faces CM Punk. He’s also out to start the show. He cuts a lacklustre promo about being the dominant brother and announces the PPV match will be No Holds Barred, or at least that’s his challenge. CM Punk is the one to interrupt. How is CM Punk facing Big Show at Night of Champions? Neither of them hold a title. Punk rightly points out the Undertaker looks beaten down and tired and isn’t as menacing as he used to be, but Taker can still bust out a catchphrase and it’s time for a commercial anyway.

Let’s see if Jack Swagger can have the success John Morrison had on RAW. He’s facing MVP so even a win won’t really elevate him. They have a pretty typical match before Swagger Dropkicks the ring steps into MVP’s knee, he slams his leg into the ring post, finishing with the ankle lock. MVP taps right away so maybe Swagger is getting rebuilt.

Kaval is on Smackdown and looks to be breaking free of LaCool. I have come to love every moment Alberto Del Rio is on screen. Apparently he really did break Rey Mysterio’s wrist. Del Rio is getting decent competition as he faces a limping Matt Hardy. Stryker makes a Sub-mariner joke in the match. Hee hee. Del Rio drops out of a potential Superplex and yanks Matt Hardy’s arm down into the top rope as he drops. That’s all it takes to set up Del Rio’s finisher and we have another submission tonight. Christian saves Matt Hardy from a beat down but Del Rio vows to make him pay.

Kaval draws Drew McIntyre as his debut opponent. Anyone who thinks Kaval is going to get the same push as Wade Barrett or even Daniel Bryan is in for a shock as McIntyre beats Kaval clean. Dolph Ziggler drags Chavo Guererro out to be his partner. Poor Chavo, he’s always deserved better than he’s got. Remember Kerwin White? The death of that gimmick was the only truly good thing to come out of Eddie’s death. Kofi Kingston has found a scrub from Superstars as his partner as well, Chris Masters. The match only gets really interesting when Dolph and Kofi are in the ring. There’s an odd finish where the ref misses a tag by the heels, which usually happens to the good guys, and Kofi takes down Dolph with Trouble in Paradise. At Night of Champions the title can change hands on a countout or DQ so Dolph is actually going to have to win to keep his title. I’d bet on him.

Big Show pretends to be Josh Matthews and interviews himself. So we’re back to goofy Big Show now? Show gets in one funny comment as he discusses taking out Gallows, Mercury and “that other bald guy they had in their organization.”

That leaves the main event. It’s a pretty plodding match at first. Taker does miss Old School (deliberately) and crotches himself on the top rope. That’s kind of cool. The real problem here, and with Taker overall lately, is once you introduce even a hint of weakness to the Deadman he loses most of his mystique. CM Punk managing a Go To Sleep on Taker looks pretty cool but Taker shrugs it off and goes straight into Hell’s Gate. That leads to a quick tap out. What is it? Submission night? Undertaker’s celebration is cut off by Kane’s pyro and him laughing from the TitanTron. But no answer yet to Undertaker’s challenge…

As for TNA. Well my Digital Video Recorder decided it wasn’t going to record the show so I have no idea what happened. And you know something? I don’t really care.

Posted on September 12th, 2010 by Lucian | Leave a Comment
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Wrestling Recap WWE

WWE Monday Night Raw
Nexus is out to brag at length about their successes over The Undertaker, John Cena, Sheamus and Randy Orton last week. It’s okay, but it goes on too long. Orton is the first one to interrupt. Two problems. First, they claim to single-handedly have taken out The Undertaker. There are 5 of them. They can’t do anything single-handedly. They also claim they will bring the title back home to Nexus. They never had it in the first place, how can they bring it back? The E-Gm E-pipes up to book Nexus in some singles matches. Gabriel v Cena. Orton v Barrett. And yeah, Nexus banned from ringside. I feel like we’ve done this before and with more than just two Nexus members in action.

Jericho is out and E-GM is pissed at him and Edge for walking out of the main event last week. So tonight they both have matches and if they lose they are out of the Six Pack Challenge. Jericho’s opponent is “Job” Morrison. Just to show how little a threat Morrison is Jericho spends most of the match yelling at Michael Cole demanding to know who the E-GM is. At this point? A let down, that’s who. Seriously, there is no credible GM option that is worth all the build up. I’ve already said Paul Heyman, but I’d also love to see John “Bradshaw” Layfield to take up the position. But then, to everyone’s amazement, Morrison actually wins! What is going on with his contract negotiations?

Melina puts her title on the line before the Unification Match at Night of Champions. Alicia Fox calls it the Undefined Championship. She screws up big again. What does anyone see in this woman? After that performance even if she had been booked to win the match they would have changed it on the fly. Dreadful, just dreadful.

Maybe The Miz will save the show. Coming later “The Road to Awesome”. I’m down with that. Edge gripes to Zack Ryder about having to put his shot on the line. These two bring the funny. And they want to face each other tonight. Edge even threatens the E-GM’s laptop. Is Zack Ryder turning face? Is he the new Funaki? Well anything that gets his sweet entrance music played every week is fine with me.

Maryse is with Ted Dibiase. Somebody has a stalker, but both of them think they’re the object of the stalker’s affections. Again, entertaining but not what I want to make up a large portion of my wrestling program. The mid-show match is Cena/Gabriel. The simple fact this is an average length match tells you Justin Gabriel is among the best of Nexus. Cena picks up the win, but it’s an acceptable teenage match.

Is Jerry Lawler actually trying to convince us Legendary has a low screen count by choice? At least they show a new preview of the film. This will probably air on every WWE show this week.

The Miz has been in WWE for six years now? Wow. Oh they are going all the way back to Tough Enough. Miz is at his best when he’s speaking from his heart. And going through his career and saying what other people said about him at the time is right up his alley. And demanding the audience admit they were wrong? Well, allow me to admit I was. Yay! It’s Daniel Bryan, now with bad entrance music, on interruption duty tonight. He mocks his own entrance music. He mocks his rookie status. And yes! Bryan wants a US Title Shot. A rare screw up from Miz as he calls Summerslam, Smackdown. What’s in the water in DC? Is the collective stupidity of that many politicians in one place contagious? Miz actually accepts the challenge. Miz attacks. Bryan counters and goes for the Crossface and Alex Reilly arrive. Bryan comes out on top, getting Reilly to tap out. They’ve given Bryan’s finisher an official name, but I’ll be damned if I can make it out.

Edge comes out, but it’s not Zack Ryder who will face him. It’s The Great Khali. Edge teases smashing the computer but, sadly, no. Edge wastes a lot of time mocking Khali by playing Frankenstein’s Monster outside the ring. Then Edge goes after Khali’s brother and tricks Khali into getting counted out. Dud of a match and not that entertaining. So E-GM restarts the match as a No-DQ Over-the-to-rope challenge. For once it’s a good bait and switch on WWE’s part.

Josh “Nobody Likes You” Matthews tries to interview Chris Jericho. He says nothing. So John Morrison shows up to check if Jericho still considers himself the best in the world at what he does. Maybe, when I had finally written off Morrison, he’s getting a third or fourth chance.

Sheamus is out to watch the main event. Kanrak says: Sheamus interferes to cost Randy Orton the match. I’ve been wrong once tonight, but then Cena and Edge join too and there’s five guys on commentary. This will be a cluster****. Did they just say next week is Raw Roulette? I love Raw Roulette. Cena vows to face the winner of this match next week.

Solid match. Barrett’s finisher is now called Wasteland. Darren Young comes out? I had hoped we’d seen the last of him and now they want to make him a face? And I’m wrong twice tonight as Orton takes advantage of the distraction to RKO Barrett for the win. Darren Young tries to be buddy, buddy with Orton only to eat an RKO. This kills the tiny amount of heat Young had managed to regain with his interruption. Edge attacks, RKO. Sheamus attacks, RKO. Man, Randy Orton really is the new Steve Austin. Well, he had a better start than the Ringmaster. That leaves Orton and Cena to have a long staredown. RAW just loves going over time lately.

Any RAW you can call unpredictable is a step up. This wasn’t bad but too many people who are not in the hunt for a title are spinning their wheels waiting to get past Night of Champions. And we still don’t have #1 contenders for the Tag Championships.

LaBelle Lock is the name of Bryan’s finisher.

WWE NXT
Okay, remember that incredible 6’9” NXT rookie I was gushing over last week? Well, she already got canned. Apparently there are some less than PG pictures of her online. Didn’t WWE used to make deals with Playboy to have its Divas pose in the magazine annually? So, anyway the new, all diva NXT kicks off with only five weeks left before Smackdown takes its timeslot. No word on the future of the show after that.

There are only six rookies, as befits a five-week season. They are:

Jamie / Pro: Bella Twins

  • the former announcer from this show
  • loves the Twilight Saga, well, that will teach her how to suck
  • she gives 110%. That really sets her apart

Aksana / Pro: Goldust

  • Lithuanian
  • former fitness model
  • it helps to be able to pronounce the letter W when you work for WWE

Naomi / Pro: Kelly Kelly

  • sassy, funny, feisty
  • sings, raps, dances

AJ / Pro: Primo

  • also feisty
  • writes poetry, screenplays
  • likes comics, plays video games
  • she wants an action figure with exaggerated body parts

Maxine / Pro: Alicia Fox

  • they don’t let Alicia talk long after her major flubs on RAW
  • they are playing up her confidence
  • she has business sense, street sense and common sense. And yet she’s on this show

??? / Vickie Guererro

  • they keep it a secret for now
  • her name is Katlene
  • most of us were hoping for Awesome Kong
  • she’ll give you a wedgie

None of these people stand out yet. Wait, how can the first elimination be in four weeks? Did this show get a new timeslot? Are they going to keep adding new WWE stars forever? The dance off sucks but whoever wins the most challenges in the first four weeks is immune to being voted off at the first elimination. Naomi wins this time.

The hard sell of Legendary continues. Naomi seems to have some skill in the ring. Maxine, not so much. There’s a flag grabbing race challenge too. Naomi wins again. She’s getting a bit of a push here, isn’t she? But overall, I’m not impressed. WWE doesn’t value what I value in Divas, which is talent in the ring itself. This looks to be a lackluster season no matter how long it lasts.

Recaps for Smackdown and TNA to come…

MacheteI went into Machete with low expectations. I had heard bad things. People say Robert Rodriguez has lost his touch. And really? A movie based on a fake trailer from another movie. Maybe going in with such low expectations is what saved the film for me, because I had a lot of fun.

This is by no means a classic film. I had never heard the term “Mexploitation” before today and thought I was being really clever and coining the phrase. Turns out there’s already a Wikipedia stub, but enough about that. Danny Trejo, in his first starring role, plays a Mexican version of Shaft. He begins the film as a Mexican federale on the hunt for a notorious drug lord, but he’s betrayed by the corruption in the system and left for dead.

Jump forward three years. The man known as Machete is now an illegal immigrant day laborer in Texas. By luck, or movie magic, he’s picked as an assassin for an anti-immigrant independent senator. Of course, it’s all a set-up and, of course, it all ties back to the same drug lord Machete has a score to settle with. But mostly it’s an excuse for violence while taking some not too subtle pokes at the immigration issue at a time when it’s at the forefront of the news.

And violence there is, in spades. In the first big fight scene Machete hacks off a gunman’s hand then picks up the gun, severed hand and all, and uses it to blow away several other baddies. With a name like machete you expect a lot of sharp objects to be in play and boy are there. There are some truly squickworthy scenes of gore here but there are also plenty of moments so over-the-top you can’t help but laugh. The plot isn’t worthy of Mamet but it gets the job done.

Machete

And, somehow, we buy the 66-year old Danny Trejo, who would probably not be offended if I called him a uglyass mofo, not only as an action hero but as someone all the women want to jump in bed with. And what women they are, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez and somehow Lindsay Lohan stayed out of jail long enough to portray someone not that dissimilar from her own public persona. The male cast are no slouches either. No less than Robert DeNiro plays the senator. Jeff Fahey, of Lost, does a wonderful job as his scheming underling while the big bad is played by Stephen Segal. Time hasn’t been all that kind to Mr. Segal, but he still has an air of menace that keeps him feeling threatening rather than laughable. A few of the name villains go down a little easily but most of their endings are poetic. And Cheech Marin’s small role as Machete’s priest brother almost steals the whole film. There’s an image in one his last scenes that I’m surprised hasn’t stirred up more controversy. Maybe films like this fly under the radar of advocates of a nanny state simply because it would be too odious for them to bring themselves to watch it in the first place.

I was impressed with numerous bits of foreshadowing. Some of it is obvious. A lingering shot of a corkscrew on a counter tells you that’s going into someone’s body. But others, like an offhanded comment about how long the human intestines are, come back in brilliant ways. The hero’s one-liners fall a little flat. Machete doesn’t really have a great catchphrase. The villains tend to have better dialogue than the terse Machete.

The end credits promise two sequels. Will they happen? Will they be straight to DVD? Placed in one of the worst box office weekends of the year Machete has not impressed at the box office so far. But this film could become a cult hit that thrives on home video. Violent, sexy and not unable to provoke some actual thought, Machete is not a classic movie, but it is a damn fine B-movie and those can be a lot of fun.

***

Wrestling Recaps

Welcome to an all Smackdown wrestling recap!

We’re going way back with the opening promo. All the way to Teddy Long voiceovering the initial announcement of Undertaker being injured. We move on to Kane accusing Rey. The Taker’s return and the brothers feuding since. So what is Smackdown bringing to Night of Champions? The tired Kane/Undertaker match. One half of the women’s unification match and maybe Kofi/Dolph which is getting stale too.

But there are bright spots and Alberto Del Rio is one of them. The ring is decked out for a celebration. There’s a guy with appetizers – I’m not kidding. He destroys a piñata in a Rey Mysterio mask. Somebody has to shut this guy up and then job to him later and it looks like it’s going to be Christian. Captain Charisma calls him JBL, Juan Bradshaw Layfield. Then Enrique Iglesias. So, we’re hitting some of the obvious bits already, but apparently Christian already has a match tonight. That won’t stop them from getting into a fight. Alberto acts game then smiles as he leaves. “Another place, another time.” McIntyre jumps Christian, they have the match later but Del Rio still doesn’t take advantage.

Christian is hurt going into the match with Drew McIntytre and McIntyre has no problem taking advantage. Regardless, Christian wins the match with an out of nowhere cradle and Drew McIntyre sure isn’t “The Chosen One” any more.

Michelle McCool faces Kelly Kelly. Layla on commentary is far more interesting than the in-ring action. When does Mrs. Undertaker ever lose? Did you know WWE went to China? Because they’re sure telling us a lot. Why would we want Hornswoggle to speak? And why would we want to see a bad actor playing a psychologist giving a leprechaun electro shock therapy?

I see Chris Masters in the ring and my hopes fall. Then Vickie Guererro comes out and it only gets worse. At least Dolph Ziggler isn’t facing Kofi Kingston. The match is a squash. Next up, Big Show versus Luke Gallows and CM Punk. With none of these guys holding a championship they look to be left off Night of Champions. So how long will this feud drag out? The match lasts a while, but is a fairly straightforward affair. Show gets a submission victory over Gallows, which is unusual. Then Punk hits the Go To Sleep on Gallows. The Straight Edged Society seems to be on its last legs.

Jack Swagger gets to host the VIP Lounge. Big whoop. There’s his “dad” in a neck brace. Jack does some push-ups before MVP comes out to armchair quarterback Swagger hosting his show. I love how Swagger uses his dad in a wheelchair as a shield. MVP doesn’t look good when he gets physical with Swagger’s injured dad. And, again, we have people who are supposed to be non-wrestlers getting involved in physicality. Exactly the sort of thing that makes people think they can imitate this stuff.

Are all the faces on this show hurt? Matt Hardy limps to the ring to face Cody Rhodes. Cody running down Matt’s current looks is sad because it’s true. Poor Hardy gets buried on the mic and in the match. I think it’s time to say goodbye to Matt. I’ve liked him for a long time but he’s reached the stage where he has no hope to advance and he’s tarnishing his legacy now. Go join TNA where you are young by comparison.

Kane does a lot of talking. Another problem with this feud is that these characters are out of step with modern wrestling. This is not an era where we accept wrestlers having supernatural powers. So putting this two against each other in a feud about being the Devil’s favorite child just seems childish nowadays. Kane gets some nice histrionics in before Taker finally shows his still healing face. Kane disappears in a blackout and, after a long tease, even the coffin is empty. Kane then appears in a pre-taped promo. They’re trying so hard to make Kane seem capable of beating his “brother” but is anyone buying it?

Is anyone buying Night of Champions? So far the big draw to me is the rumored Daniel Bryan versus The Miz match. Is that enough to get me to part with money? I’m not sure yet, but there’s at least a chance. I haven’t been able to say that about a TNA PPV in ages.

Posted on September 5th, 2010 by Lucian | Leave a Comment
Filed Under Entertainment

Lucians Wrestling Recap

The 900th RAW is upon us, complete with a video package recapping some highlights. We open with Bret Hart, who Cole points out was a big part of the early years of RAW. Way to make him look old. Bret points out only The Undertaker is left from the days of the first show. I’m sure Howard Finkle feels snubbed, but it’s Kane who comes out, importing the bad Smackdown storyline straight into the big RAW show. Kane runs Hart and Taker down at the same time. Kane decides since Taker took out the icon Shawn Michaels he needs to take out an icon too, but since Bret is untouchable the Hart Dynasty stall Kane long enough for his “brother” to magically appear. Kane tries to back off, but E-GM pings in a message. He reverses himself and sets a main event of Undertaker versus… Bret Hart?! No… just no. Stop pretending Hart can wrestle and live in the present.

There are going to be video packages all night I guess. We’re wasting show time on NXT rookies? Triple threat tag match between Kofi/McGuillicudy, Daniel Brayn with Kaval and, of course, The Miz and Alex Reilly. It’s an okay match with a nice quick pace and it ends with Miz hitting the Skull Crushing Finale on Kaval for a clean win. Reilly goes after Bryan, gets fought off, but sets up Miz to briefcase shot Daniel Bryan.

Melina and Eve take on LayCool in another incredibly short match. Melina gets the win on Layla. LayCool offers a unification match as Night of Champions. Melina is all set to accept but she wants a Lumbjack (Jill?) Match.

Nexus admits Skip Sheffield has a broken ankle and they are looking weak, but tonight they face Cena, Edge, Sheamus, Jericho and Orton. Jericho promises to leave WWE if he doesn’t win at Night of Champions. Josh isn’t impressed given how many times this has happened before, but I suspect Jericho will take some time off and, when he comes back, he’d be much more useful as a face on Smackdown.

John Morrison and R-Truth reunite to face the thrown together team of “Dashing” Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre to determine new #1 contenders to the Unified Tag Team Title. King puts over J.R. and even mentions “Puppies” for old time’s sake. It breaks down before it really starts and the ref throws the match out. There’s a brawl afterwards but the match lengths have been a joke so far tonight.

And Hart/Taker is next so that’s not going to change. Wade Barrett doesn’t even let the match start. He tries to take both down. He doesn’t even get past Taker. The lights go down and Kane appears. The Brothers of Destruction have a brawl that shows Taker is starting to regain something of his old self. Tthe lights go down again when Taker is set up for a Chokeslam and Kane vanishes. The rest of Nexus show up to face Taker, who actually holds them all off. The lights go down again and, when they come up, Barret has Taker set up for his finisher, which he hits. Cue Justin Gabriel with the 450 Splash.

Jack Swagger and Evan Bourne’s match gets interrupted by Alberto Del Rio. Again a very short match and, if you were wondering whose push had stalled more, Swagger wins, but Del Rio steals the heat immediately with more excellent mic work. After a commercial we are joined by the No Girls Allowed Straight Edged Society. Punk runs down The Rock. He runs down RAW’s lack of family values by bringing up Katie Vick. If you don’t know what that means never look it up.

CM Punks bottom four shameful moments of RAW:

#4 HHH home invades Randy Orton
#3 John Cena throws Edge into Long Island Sound
#2 DX trespass on WCW
#1 Stone Cold’s Beer Bath

Okay, that was the best use of the 900th show so far tonight. Cue the breaking glass and Austin’s entrance music, but nobody comes out. Punk laughs at his little joke. Then he shows Show and Brock Lesnar (“I don’t know who that other guy is”) breaking a ring. He stoops to a fat joke. Show actually shows up when his music plays. Show brings up the time Eddie Guerrero gave him a laxative tainted burrito. Nice to refer to Eddie, but that happened on Smackdown. Show points out other embarrassing things he’s done. He mentions he did impressions then busts out his Hulk BLEEPing Hogan impression. What is going on at WWE lately? Since when do they remember people working for TNA now? Violence, of course, breaks out and Gallows is thrown to the wolves. This was a fine segment but why not shave two or three minutes off it to add to the actual wrestling? Oh yeah, the remaining McMahons consider this a variety show.

A recap with Kurt Angle? WWE is not supposed to do things that confuse me. It confuses me. Sheamus promo time. Edge interrupts us to remind us of the many things he’s done in the WWE and make a Beeker joke at Sheamus’s expense. We have about ten minutes left in this show so the main event is not going to be an epic to make up for the fact we didn’t get one truly decent match all night. And they keep killing time with filler to boot.

By the time the match starts, and it’s elimination, the show should already be over. We may be running very long here. Jericho walks away and gets counted out. Edge shoves the ref and gets disqualified. So it’s five on three in short order. Sheamus at least stands and fights as minute after minute passes when I’d rather be in bed.  Sheamus wanders into the Nexus corner and they all ht him, justifying his pin. It’s five on the two biggest faces in the WWE. Cena takes out Slater quickly to prevent a sweep, but David Ortunga falls to the STF. Before Cena can stand though, Gabriel hits him with the 450 Splash and pins him. RKO on Gabriel, out. RKO on Tarver, out. Barrett hits his finisher on Orton, Nexus wins. That was about ten minutes overtime and even then the main event was only acceptable in length, and general. I expected something special from this show. I did not get it.

Kaval wins NXT. Next season (all 5 episodes) is all Divas including one who is 6’9”!

TNA has a PPV this weekend and I just can’t say I care. The addition of the EV 2.0 guys taking major roles in storylines has totally thrown away any internal momentum the roster had. WWE has done so much better with a bunch of rookies in Nexus than TNA has with a bunch of has-beens in EV 2.0. I’m sorely tempted to just stop watching the show and I don’t blame anyone who feels the same. If you want a more detailed recap you’ll have to look elsewhere, at least this week.

Smackdown will get its own column later. Until then, lemme tell ya something, brother!

Wrestling Recap

Read about last week’s WWE Monday Night Raw in part 1!

Not much to talk about with WWE NXT. I have no idea why they did a double elimination on NXT last week when we have none this week. The rookies compete in a trivia contest, but the bulk of the show is a Cody Rhodes/M.V.P. match to pad things out. It’s not much of a show and simple to skip since nothing happens that actually matters.

Over on Smackdown we’re promised Kane vs. Mysterio (again, but no DQ) and Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston (again, for the title). Mysterio and Kane actually open the show. Rey is actually selling injuries from his match with Alberto Del Rio. It’s not that different from all their past matches. Sure a kendo stick and a steel chair come into play, but it’s still nothing special. Kane wins, not surprisingly, but The Undertaker will appear later tonight. What does that mean for the champion?

Alberto shows up after Kane leaves, he feigns concern for Rey then decides Rey is a sick dog that needs to be put down. He slams him into the barricade then uses his Armbar again. Then catches the arm in a chair. It really gets Del Rio over as a heel but a lot of it is just standing around between the various attacks while Del Rio pretends he’s done for the benefit of the referees.

CM Punk faces JTG just to bring back the Anaconda Vice submission move for a quick win. With Punk unable to GTS Big Show he needs another credible way to potentially beat him. I don’t need to see Teddy Long and Hornswoggle play charades. The Ziggler/Kingston match has a stipulation. The title can change hands on a DQ. I don’t know if this will be the blowoff match, but they are going for bigger moves than their usual matches so it’s a step up from some of there past matches. A lot of near falls and false finishes help too. Vickie stops Dolph from re-entering the ring and he gets counted out. There was no rule that the title would change hands on a countout so Ziggler remains champion and I guess this isn’t the blowoff. Ziggler runs right after the match with Kofi in hot pursuit.

Why did Jack Swagger plunge down the card to where he is feuding with MVP and having crappy amateur matches with him? I skipped over the Drew McIntyre/Christian match last week because just throwing Mcintyre, Rhodes, Christian and Matt Hardy at each other with no real story has already become boring. Alberto Del Rio squashes a local jobber, who gets an entrance for no apparent reason. Del Rio drives a Jaguar into the arena. I am really impressed by this guy so far. They’re calling his finisher a Cross Arm Breaker. They can do better.

Kelly Kelly should stop hanging around Big Show. He may get peckish and mistake her for a corn dog. Show faces Luke Gallows. CM Punk watches from backstage as the rest of the SES, including Serena who has already been released, are at ringside. Show wins, of course.

The show ends with an Undertaker and Kane segment. The Undertaker may not be able to cut it any more. He looks old, he’s limping and I don’t buy it’s from Kane’s attack. Mark Calaway may simply be well past his shelf life. And the promo is uninspired. I think the audience hat just sat through a 4+ hour show so there’s some excuse for them being dead at this point, but this is a weak blowoff to the night.

Over on the TNA side of things I do not need to see Dixie Carter on screen this much. She’s no more talented than I am, why is she on national TV and not me? Oh yeah, rich spouse. Oh great, he’s on camera too. The show also has waaaaaay too much Hulk Hogan. Remember when he signed on and claimed this wasn’t going to be about him? Samoa Joe returns to squash Orlando Jordan then, sadly, get pulled into the vortex of suck that is the Jarrett/Sting/Nash feud. Double J asked Joe for help and Joe refused. So we know they’ll end up allies.

Beer Money crush the F.B.I. (Little Guido and, I think, Tony Mamluke). The Motor City Machineguns ride a growing wave of crowd momentum to a win over Generation Me. There’s some knockout interaction between the reunited Angelina Love and Velvet Sky and Madison Rain and her bodyguard. Sting and Nash remind Flair they haven’t forgotten about Fortune’s beat down.

Stevie Richards makes the mistake of trying to take down Abyss by himself. He puts up with a fight but the only reason he doesn’t get the Janice treatment (Janice being Abyss’s board full of nails) is Abyss tells him to send a message to the others. What happened to RVD will happen to them. Do they all have limited dates on their contract? Then Rhyno calls out Abyss and actually takes him down with a Gore.

So the main event is Fortune (Styles, Kazarian, Morgan and Wolfe) versus Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy, The Pope D’angelo Dinero and Mister Anderson. It’s not much of a match until it breaks down into one guy hitting a big move on somebody else then the next guy hitting a big move on the first. Repeat until the Pope steals Angle’s pin. That leads to arguments and Fortune, including Beer Money, beat down the face team. Tommy Dreamer and EV 2.0 make the save. Doug Williams goes through a table.

Fortune is coming together but too many of the show’s storylines are mashing together into one jumbled mess. Not everything needs to involve Hogan, Dixie, Flair and the old ECW guys. And where is Jay Lethal? Where’s Eric Young. Yes some young guys are getting pushes but not nearly enough. As for Reactions, hey TNA please give up trying to make it look like the show is live after Impact and we should stay tuned for live developments. Nobody is buying it. The show should be news and interviews, like the old WWE Confidential.

Not a great week for either federation. WWE is not building Night of Champions well. The RAW main event is a jumble of guys with no focus. Nexus has lost their shine and losing Skip Sheffield will only make it worse. Kane and Undertaker are not hitting the heights a Smackdown main event needs to, especially since Taker should be red hot after just coming back from an injury. TNA keeps saying they’re pushing new guys but they do it by making them secondary characters in the storyline of the old guys. Fortune is now more about Ric Flair than anyone else in the group. And Rhyno taking out Abyss? A big mistake. It’s enough to make a guy want to turn off for a week or and hopes things get better. I’m sure I’ll be back next week with another recap, and that way you aren’t forced to.

Wrestling Recap WWE

Welcome to another wacky week in wrestling. RAW was pre-taped last week, but it’s new to us, right? Sheamus is out and he’s insulting American children for cheap heel heat. Apparently Randy Orton is a spoiled brat. E-GM has something to say through Michael Cole. He likes Sheamus so the champ gets a throne to watch tonight’s matches, then will name his opponent for Night of Champions. Right off, Edge comes out to face R-Truth. Truth has one of his better matches in a while as he actually leaves his feet with some flashier moves for a change. I’m not a big fan of the finish as Edge hits a Spear with virtually no running space to build momentum. It’s not convincing that it would hurt as much and take R-Truth out. Edge grabs a mic to plead his case to face Sheamus. Until you’ve beaten Edge, you haven’t beaten anybody.

The Great Khali faces Chris Jericho. Which opponent for Sheamus do you think would draw more buyrates? Khali is still handicapped by an “injured” knee, which Jericho targets constantly. Jericho rolling Khali into the Walls of Jericho is somewhat impressive looking. With the big Indian’s injured knee he taps instantly. Jericho makes the case Sheamus should face the first Undisputed champion and the best in the world at what he does.

Cena cuts a short but effective promo for his match with The Miz. Now Jillian Hall is singing. Will Sheamus choose her? Or her opponent, Melina? Well, this is a title match so Sheamus may want to see who wins and make it a champion versus champion match. All the shrieking in this match makes it sound like a pack of harpies fighting over a bone. Even Cole comments on it. I like Melina’s finisher but why is it called The Last Call? Is she a Lindsay Lohan style partier? Basically this is a squash to set up for LaCool on the Titantron to let Melina know they’re coming to next week’s 900th RAW. Then, Miz counter’s Cena’s promo with a high quality promo of his own.

Nexus comes out, still with an uninjured Skip Sheffield. E-GM called out Nexus to let them know the ban on them competing for titles has been lifted. Barrett immediately lets Sheamus know the truce is over. Sheamus has such an expressive face this is a great night for him.

Cena and Miz have a match For two guys wuith limited movesets they know how to keep the crowd into the match. Cena is certainly willing to sell for The Miz. Cena only loses because Daniel Bryan attacks Miz and Cena is DQed as a result. Bryan locks a Crossface on Miz and the US Champ taps instantly. I’m predicting now that at the end of Night of Champions Daniel Bryan will be United States Champion.

The problem with WWE is how often they telegraph with their recaps. They recap the Santino/Tamena exchange from last week. So now when Santino and Koslov come out to face the Usos you know shenanigans will ensue. It’s a short, but inoffensive, match. Tamena stops one of the Usos from attacking Santino after the match. She even blows Santino a kiss as they exit.

We’re back to trying to impress Sheamus with a Triple Threat between Ted Dibiase, John Morrison and Randy Orton. Sheamus leaves early in the match. There’s 20 minutes left in the show, is this the main event? Orton hits an RKO on John Morrison while Morrison is in midair. This is looking like a trademark move by Orton and showcases how amazing Orton’s timing is. And, just to show Orton is the only main eventer in this match, Orton RKOs Dibiase for good measure.

Sheamus takes to the ring to announce his intention to wrestle right now. Sheamus is picking someone who has never had an opportunity at the title. Zack Ryder. Zack at least gets a mic to be cocky. Nice of the announcers to bury Ryder. At this point there is about ten minutes left in the show so this is not going to be a five-star classic if it’s a match at all. One Brogue kick at the two-second mark and we have about a seven-second match. Poor Matthew Cardona.

Sheamus gets back on the mic to claim he gets thirty days before his next defence so he’s taking Night of Champions off. But out comes Wade Barrett. Barrett won NXT and that means he can claim his title shot at Night of Champions. Cue the annoying E-GM sound to tell me what the spoilers already told me. RAW’s main event for Night of Champions is a Six-Pack challenge. Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett vs. Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton vs. Edge vs. John Cena. Sheamus shoves Barrett to the wolves and the others seem to hate him even more than Sheamus. So Barrett gets a beatdown, then Jericho takes out Sheamus, Edge downs Jericho, Cena hits Edge with an Attitude Adjustment which leaves Orton to RKO Cena and stand tall at the end of the show.

Two weeks after the PPV RAW realizes they better start selling the next PPV. The crowd was a little tired having sit through two shows in a row so they seemed a bit dead at the end but it worked out quite well.

Continue reading about WWE NXT, Smackdown and more in Part 2!

Posted on August 30th, 2010 by Lucian | Leave a Comment
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