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Posts Tagged With john cena

While it seems awfully soon for another three-hour RAW this is King of the Ring, so I am excited. Welcome to the Era of Awesome as the opening recap reminds us how our new champ became just that. Alex Reilly comes out first. He’s in a suit so maybe he came straight from court? Reilly is here to party, and he’s not afraid to party. Wow. Punk went all in and actually said DUI. Reilly hypes up The Miz but we don’t actually see the champ.

Instead its’ King of the Ring match #1. Alberto Del Rio and his black-eyed personal ring announcer to face Daniel Bryan. I’m going to predict Del Rio wins. The rest of the brackets are John Morrison versus Cody Rhodes (I bet on John), Ezekial Jackson versus Drew McIntyre (Big Zeke to go over) and Kofi Kingston versus Sheamus so I have to think Sheamus. I see an Ezekial Jackson versus Alberto Del Rio final here. Good match and the announce team is actually acknowledging that both these are the future of WWE. Bryan picks up a shoulder injury late in the match doing his usual dive to the outside, and that opens the door for the Cross-Armreaker. Bryan taps awfully fast but I guess the injury protects him.

The announce team’s recap of past winners included Brock Lesnar. They even half-acknowledge his UFC success. R-Truth raps his old theme song for a long time before finally entering the ring. R-Truth is here to say he misses Cena and challenge any member of Nexus to a one-on-one match. He gets Michael McGuillicuddy and I would rather see more KotR. But the camera guy goes down so we can’t quite see the attacker (who is clearly John Cena) takes Mr. Not-So-Perfect down. Good, no match.

Now we move on to Cody Rhodes versus John Morrison. Morrsion finishes with the kick then knee to the temple finish he’s been using lately. The kick is called the Flying Chuck according to CM Punk. Morrison can job to Del Rio next. Something went wrong because Morrison’s lower lip is bloody.

One commercial break later and we go straight into the third match of the tournament. So it’s Vince McMahon’s chosen one against the last ECW champion. Jackson dominates but the action spills out of the ring and this is a double countout. Which means neither man advances. So much for my pool. Whoever wins the next match gets a bye to the final. Which also means they only have to squeeze six matches in tonight, not seven.

Orton is not here tonight. He was actually injured but its minor enough he won’t need more time off. But here’s The Miz. Let’s see if this promo is gold. His suit jacket is actually worse than Cole’s. No flashy celebration just images of a cute kid really P.O.ed at The Miz’s win. I love how Miz can be himself and the crowd hates him. Miz plugs the WWE Championship book and starts running down Legends who never won the title. And that get Jerry Lawler’s ire up. Lawler isn’t impressed with The Miz’s win. So Cole comes to his favorite’s defense. In the end Lawler asks for a title shot. Miz isn’t interested but the General Manager is. And… dear lord, this is going to be the main event?! On King of the Ring night the final is not going to be the main event?! E-GM decides to make it a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match. Jerry Lawler gets his first shot at the title in TLC at this stage in his career? Apparently it’s his birthday.

At least that reduces the announce team to two men as Sheamus takes on Kofi Kingston. In two weeks we have the Slammys, WWE’s self-congratulatory awards show, which may be three hours as well. Punk is making mistakes like calling guys “Wrestlers” instead of “Superstars” but he’s generally entertaining. Far too short a match. Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise but Sheamus rolls under the ropes and avoids a pin. That lets the Irishman hit his Brogue Kick for the pin and a bye to the finals. That makes Morrison more likely to advance than Del Rio, which is a pity.

Now we get a tag match with Yoshi Tatsu and Mark Henry facing the tag champs, non-title. Justin Gabriel’s beard is longer but that doesn’t make it suit him any better. This is just a set-up for Cena to show up, holding a ticket. Slater pays too much attention to Cena and Henry slams him for the win. Then Cena races in and puts Slater though the announce table before high-tailing it away from the rest of Nexus. The remaining members of Nexus decide to call him out later.

So we only have one semi-final match to look forward to and it’s up now. John Morrison and Albert Del Rio are starting to look good when Rey Mysterio distracts Del Rio and gives John Morrison the win way too soon. Wade calls Cena out. Cena replies via TitanTron from the parking lot. Wade sends the other three Nexus to get him then about eight angry RAW faces beat them down. Cena ends up AAing Justin Gabriel into a car windshield and vowing to be back next week. I had no idea who Darren Young was at first because he’s cut the wacky hair and replaced with a hair helmet that may actually be worse.

A six-diva match? Really? When we had to skip a KotR match? It’s not much of a match as Tamita gets serenaded by Santino Marello allegedly playing a Tiffany song on an acoustic guitar. Natalya gets the win since she’s the new champ and no one else in the match is married to The Undertaker.

There’s nothing wrong with the finals of King of the Ring. But it’s not as good as the match we just saw between these two at Survivor Series. And yes, the results are different, as Sheamus goes over here. But this entire tournament has been relegated to second or third most important storyline on this show so all my enthusiasm for it faded away well before the final.

Now we have a main event that’s not going to be a real match. Why is Alex Reilly still carrying the Money in the Bank briefcase? Miz cashed in why carry it any more? It doesn’t take a lot of skill to have a roughhouse match and that’s what this is. Lawler actually manages to put both Alex Reilly and The Mix through tables so Michael Cole ends up interfering to stop Lawler from getting the title. Lawler gets to punch out Cole but, when he and Miz end up fighting on top of the ladder, Miz actually swings the belt into the King’s face. Lawler takes a very careful fall from the ladder and Miz retains. No surprise, there.

So Jerry Lawler’s birthday present is more important than King of the Ring? And really, Sheamus? He’s a two-time world champion, what good does adding King of the Ring do for him? And John Cena hasn’t even paid lip service to being fired. You could see he was wearing a microphone pack in at least one scene. Yes Orton was out and yes, on his 61st birthday Jerry Lawler acquitted himself well, but I was disappointed with the show overall.

Posts Tagged With john cena

RAW starts with Nexus coming out. John Cena has been fired. After a long goodbye last night he’s going to get another one tonight. Barrett is arguing Cena had decided in advance Barrett was going to lose. Since Cena shoved him into an RKO Barrett expects a rematch against Orton. Oddly, the anonymous GM by email actually agrees and we won’t have to wait for the next PPV, that match is tonight! Justin Gabriel is doing a poor job of growing a beard. Lose the facial fuzz, it doesn’t work for you.

Next week is King of the Ring. Which means another three hour RAW. I wish I got paid overtime for these shows. Cole introduces CM Punk, who is joining the RAW commentary team while he recovers from an injury. Tonight we’ll have four qualifier matches for King of the Ring, the other four competitors will come from Smackdown. Sheamus faces R-Truth. Truth has gone back to the old theme music but still has Eve dancing with him. Punk endears me immediately by comparing her dancing to an epileptic fit. This match is too slow for me. Sheamus goes to a lot of really basic submission holds that don’t excite me and he wins with the Celtic Cross, not a submission, so it’s not good match storytelling.

We see long boring clips from Cena’s DVD compilation. Even with him allegedly fired he’s still being shoved down our throats. LaCool can’t get into the building. Natalya refuses to vouch for them. They are still doing a romance angle between Santino and Tamita, who can play the ukulele. Orton says he’ll win. Ezekial Jackson is supposed to face The Miz but he has apparently suffered an anxiety attack and Alex Reilly will compete for him. An anxiety attack does not make someone sound tough. Jackson wins pretty quickly and qualifies for King of the Ring.

Cena says a long, long goodbye. It’s mostly the same tired “Cena is Superman” stuff as usual but there is one brilliant moment where Cena gets all the women and kids in the audience to chant “Let’s go Cena!” then all the men chant “Cena sucks!” Since I don’t buy for a second Cena is really leaving there is no emotion to this. Not like when we thought Flair was retiring or when HBK retired, for now. In fact, Cena talking about missing his brother’s child being born and spending more time with his mom are actually a little disingenuous.

Qualifier #3 is Ted Dibiase versus Daniel Bryan. That’s two matches from last night’s PPV that they are giving away a rematch on free TV the next day. Why should people buy the PPV if they get the match for free the next day? In this case, because it’s a much shorter match with the exact same result, Dibiase taps. And the Bellas are apparently now smitten with Bryan. In better woman’s action, Natalya makes short work of Alicia Fox. Melina now seems to be hitting on John Morrison. Does she still call him Nitro? Morrison takes on Tyson Kidd in the final qualifier of the night. This is the best of the four qualifiers tonight as the pair show off their speed and agility. We get a real finisher in this one as Morrison lands Starship Pain and fills RAW’s last spot in the tournament.

So now we get a title match on free TV. I always complain when the champion comes out first but tonight he needs to as Nexus attacks him on the ramp and damages his right knee before the refs can get them away. Orton is taken out and Barrett expects a forfeit but, no, Orton will defend, hurt leg and all. Though considerably shorter, I actually enjoyed this match more than the main event last night. Orton’s injury is a built in story for the match and it dominates throughout. When Barrett hits Wasteland we wonder why they would change the title tonight but not last night. Then John Cena pulls the ref out of the ring and attacks Barrett. The rest of Nexus chase off Cena but Orton not only recovers, but hits a good old RKO to retain his title. Odd, we’re actually finishing a little early this week-

AWESOME!

I spoke too soon. The Miz is cashing in his Money in the Bank briefcase! Orton is still on his feet so he’s better off than most champions who had the briefcase cashed in on them. Once again, the heel goes after the injured knee of Orton. Orton looks like he might hit RKO after all – only to be reversed into a Skull Crushing Finale!

1…

2…

3!

THE MIZ IS THE CHAMP!

So let’s examine this. Rather than let Barrett win the championship and The Miz cash in on him they had Cena get fired then not even have the decency to keep him off camera for a week. Miz wins, not by being the better wrestler, but by cashing in MitB at a smart moment. I doubt Miz will have a long title reign but they have to be careful not to book him too strong.

This was not a bad show. The qualifiers took up most of the time and action with a main event I was interested in watching followed by a big surprise. But, the new announce team is iffy. Punk is a fine addition but with Cole usually playing heel it’s unbalanced. With the only face being Jerry Lawler, who never reads the script in advance and tries to interject too much reason into this mess, it’s even worse.

This is the second last episode of NXT season 3 and yes, the affiliates have been informed there will be a fourth with men again. There’s a trivia challenge, which AJ runs away with. Of course the questions are so easy she may be winning simply because she’s quicker to sound her air horn. Nikki Bella beats Kaitlyn. AJ and Naomi have the best match of the season, an actual good match, which AJ wins. This gives me more faith in AJ if she turns out to be the winner. Then they dress the competitors up in fat suits for a sumo challenge. Because the largely male audience really wants to see beautiful women in fat suits. Kaitlyn wins. There’s no immunity so the only point of these silly competitions is to supposedly impress the pros. The announce team continues to treat the show, and by association the viewers, with disdain. Matt Stryker is at least trying to be professional and you can tell Cole’s antics are bothering even him.

My pick for elimination is Naomi. She’s the least attractive of the group and, while her ring skills are impressive, she doesn’t feel like a complete package. AJ has the geek cred she could win this all but Kaitlyn’s storyline with Vickie Guererro has been a big part of this season. It also wasn’t nearly as annoying as Aksana and Goldust. But no, I’m wrong. AJ goes home and I am sad. She was the one I liked. That probably leaves Kaitlyn to win it all and end this train wreck forever.

Posted on November 26th, 2010 by Lucian | Comments Off
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Posts Tagged With john cena

Welcome to Survivor Series. The focus tonight is on a man who is not even wrestling. What will John Cena do? More importantly, what will WWE brass do? The opening video is all about Cena so it’s a bit of surprise when we open with Ted Dibiase challenging Daniel Bryan for the United States Championship. I don’t recall this even being announced in advance. Dibiase puts up a good fight and the match is a decent opener. The LaBell lock is teased constantly and, in the end, it keeps Bryan his championship. Considering this was a free add to the card you can’t help but get your money’s worth.

Miz ambushes Bryan with the Money in the Bank briefcase then he and Alex “Will a DUI get me fired?” Reilly. Miz is out before the Miami crowd to get heat by making fun of the Heat. He also runs down Nexus to keep us all wondering if Miz will cash in his title shot after the main event.

Next match is John Morrison versus Sheamus. Who wins here will be very interesting just in terms of figuring out which of these guys is trending upwards. I heard one commentator say the best way to book this is like an old Undertaker/Jeff Hardy match. They don’t really go that direction but they get a lot of mileage out of Morrison’s willingness to throw himself/be thrown around like a toy. I don’t know why WWE is having a lot more matches end without finishing moves lately but it happens again here. Morrison strings together a few moves, ending with a leaping knee strike, and that’s enough for the pin. So Morrison is moving up the card. But is Sheamus moving down?

Now it’s time to catch up with Cena backstage. R-Truth is really weird lately, now he’s offering to take down Orton so Cena can keep his job? Cena once again vows to be fair and now R-Truth doesn’t believe him? Why would he turn down Truth’s offer if he planned to rig the match?

Before we get to the Kaval vs. Dolph Ziggler title match some bad news. There will be a fourth season of NXT. It will be back to men but will that bring it back to watchable? This match features a nice mix of high impact and submission wrestling. No Kaitlyn to distract Vickie or Dolph. Dolph takes a real shot to the nose and it’s bloody from then on. It could even be broken. It’s a good match with a weak roll-up reversal finish, holding the tights to give Ziggler the win. I hope this feud continues.

We get some mic time from the Survivor Series heels. They aren’t entirely on the same page but Del Rio remains gold on the microphone. MVP is the hometown hero tonight so it’s weird to see him getting a chant over Mysterio or Big Show. Cole and Striker actually waste mic time arguing if Ricky Henderson was the best baseball player of all time. He wasn’t; he was great, but not the greatest. MVP is the hometown boy so, of course, he’s eliminated first. Chris Masters doesn’t last much longer, falling to Del Rio’s Armbar. Big Show punches out Del Rio when he is not legal and gets led out. Cody Rhodes falls to the Big Show so it’s effectively 3 on 3 now. Del Rio is technically still in the match so could return.

Kofi Kingston takes out Tyler Reks, who I’m not getting behind no matter how hard they try. This gives the faces the advantage but Kofi soon taps to a Jack Swagger Anklelock. Matt Striker sounds like an idiot when he tries to make Mysterio falling off Show’s shoulders sound impressive. He actually adds Rey’s height to the distance he supposedly fell. It doesn’t work that way. Never mind Rey was not standing on the top of Show’s head. Swagger falls to Mysterio and the lone Drew MacIntyre eats a Chokeslam and the faces win with the same survivors as Friday’s Smackdown. This seems like wrong booking. Del Rio looks like he has a glass jaw, the other heels don’t seem strong and people who don’t need to be elevated are the only winners. We’ve already had two face wins on the card the bad guys should have pulled it out here.

TLC is a weak Pay Per View but I am loving this promo made up largely of crude stick figure drawings. Orton doesn’t feel sorry for John Cena. He’s focused on Wade Barrett. Cena knows if he screws Orton then Orton will make getting fired look good by comparison.

Diva handicap match is next. I have little to say about the match. The heels have to tag in and out. The finish? I never thought I’d see the day Michelle McCool would tap out to Natalya’s Sharpshooter. The subsequent beat down is interrupted by the non-surprise return of Beth Phoenix to make the save. My buddy Hugh begged and begged for Beth to turn but instead I predict a tag match at the next PPV.

Next comes the Edge/Kane match and a long video reminds us Edge has kidnapped Kane’s father Paul Bearer. Both the guys who saw the show with me had thought he was dead in real life. Edge brings out a wheelchair, but no Paul. Kane is obsessed with his father through the match, trying to beat the information out of Edge. Edge looks like a threat throughout. But Kane still bores me, no matter who he faces, and none of us really enjoy this match. Edge reverses a Tombstone attempt into a Spear. Kane goes down, Edge falls down with an arm draped over Kane and it’s bloody obvious from the poorly chosen camera angle that both men’s shoulders are down. They tease Edge as the new champ but it’s a draw so Kane retains. I’ve seen this done before, way, way better on free TV in a HHH/HBK title match. Here, it’s just lame. Kane tries to beat down Edge but it ends up with Edge wheelchairing Kane through a ring barricade. We never see Paul Bearer. Yes, Edge still looks strong for this feud to continue but big PPVs should be above cheap crap like this.

Now it’s Barrett’s turn to talk to Cena backstage. They are in the same arena tonight where Nexus debuted by beating down Cena. It’s all come full circle. Don’t pretend you planned that. Barrett could have fired Cena after Monday’s Attitude Adjustment. But no, John will hand Barrett the title tonight and be free.

The rest of Nexus come out as Gabriel and Slater defend their tag belts against Santino Marella and Vladimir Koslov. Slater still isn’t ready for this. The other guys are merely ok tonight. Extra Nexus interference makes the difference and Nexus stands tall. We hear from the anonymous GM for the first time all show. He or she just wants to make sure the rest of Nexus are gone for the main event.

That brings us to our final contest of the evening. It’s supposed to be Orton and Barrett but Cena steals most of the focus. He calls it even, as Barrett grows more and more frustrated with him. Behind all this isn’t a great match. Orton can wrestle but he’s not at the point where he can carry a green opponent to a great match. After a long back and forth Barrett hits Wasteland and Orton barely grabs the ropes to save his title. Barrett shoves Cena, Cena hits back and Barrett stumbles straight into an RKO! Cena hesitates just for a moment before counting the three and ending his career. The rest of Nexus attack. Cena and Orton fight them off together but not before they rescue their beaten leader. Cena hands Orton his title. They even hug. Orton gets in his celebratory poses but the focus is not on him. Soon he heads to the back. Then Cena takes a ridiculously long time saying goodbyes. He ranges all over the arena. He hugs Cole but not King or Striker.

So WWE was not willing to put a title on Barrett to such a point they now have to write their way out of this mess. I haven’t heard anything about Cena actually wanting time off for any reason so this shouldn’t last long. So how was the show? Well there was some good wrestling. There was some good match storytelling. But usually you had to choose one or the other and in some cases got none. There were some big surprises and it felt like a big event. And Michael Cole was toned down from Monday or NXT, so that helped. I’m going to give this one a thumbs up, especially since I didn’t have to pay. But even then, it’s on the line.

Posts Tagged With john cena

Just sit right back and you’ll read a tale,
A new wrestling recap
That started on a Monday night
And could be full of crap.

The champ was a viper, cold and cruel,
Cena was on his last straw.
The oldtimers had all been called
For a three hour RAW, a three hour RAW.

The writing started getting rough,
Continuity was tossed,
If not for the mem’ry of the Attitude era
The viewers would be lost, the viewers would be lost.

The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle
With Superfly
And Mean Gene too,
The millionaire and his son,
Roddy Piper,
The Iron Sheik and the Fink,
Here on Old Timer’s Raw.

I miss the beginning of RAW three times for various reasons so I start with Miz threatening to steal Barrett’s title shot by cashing in Money in the Bank tonight. John Cena wants no part of that so he challenges The Miz tonight, and Miz says yes. Gene Okerlund and Cowboy Bob Orton were in the scene too.

Old school titles, graphics and even the ring announcer is dressed up in clothes from the 70s or so. Since this is a three-hour show we’ll see interpromotional matches too. The first is Dolph Ziggler versus Mark Henry. They’re even doing pop-up promos before the match. Mark Henry comes out to the old “Sexual Chocolate” theme music and singlet. They have the announcers on steel chairs and Cole is already complaining about being uncomfortable. Mark Henry gets to look like he has a chance tonight, kicking out of two Zig Zags, but the Sleeper Hold is his downfall as a guy with a future goes over a never was.

A babbling Tony Atlas eventually bores the Hart Dynasty enough that they walk off. He’s still talking after commercial as Yoshi Tatsu mimes Hari Kari. Yoshi Tatsu is still on the roster? The Hart Dynasty face the tag champs (Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel in case you’ve forgotten) barely gets started before, in a surprise, Tyson Kidd is the one who turns on David Hart Smith. Why not make the guy with more potential and a highflying moveset into a face?

R-Truth continues to be a jerk and stir up crap between Orton and Cena. Orton could just take Cena out of the picture with a punt to the head… Back in the ring here’s Howard Finkel! He brings out the Brooklyn Brawler and Harvey Whippleman. He issues an open challenge to any young superstar. Out comes Ezekial Jackson. Guess who wins? That’s the best way to put an old star in a match.

Nexus finally figures out they need to do something about R-Truth. Barrett tries to fawn it off on Otunga, but the anonymous General Manager pipes up and makes it Barrett versus R-Truth instead. Die hard Otunga fans (are there any?) will be happy to learn Otunga will have a match tonight too. Cena turns down Nexus protection for his match with The Miz. If Orton wants some, he can come get some.

Miz begs off the match, since the GM never sanctioned it, and once again puts Alex Reilly in the match in his place. There’s still two hours to go and I’m already fatigued. Riley has ended up in a much better position than Kaval, who actually won season two. Here he at least looks like he’s in the same league as Cena before the Five-Knuckle Shuffle, Attitude Adjustment, STF combo polishes him off.

Here comes Orton. Down goes The Miz. Harris and McGuillicuddy try to interfere but Orton takes them out in no time. That leaves Orton face to face with Cena until Cena throws a punch. A host of old school attired officials hit the ring to prevent any real fighting. E-GM pipes up to book Cena and Orton on Piper’s Pit so they can air their differences.

More old guys are back, Nikolai Volkoff and The Iron Sheik. I haven’t heard the Soviet national anthem in a while. Santino and Koslov interrupt, but it’s only so Koslov can join the singalong. Koslov actually sings worse than you’d expect. Sheik gets to babble, but he keeps bringing up Hulkamania and they keep cutting his mic. Santino bring out Slick, who even I have never seen before, and who does nothing. At last we get to the point, The Ousos come out for a #1 contender’s match, dragging Superfly Snuka along with them. The problem with this match is I’m just not sure I can buy The Cobra actually working. I don’t have long to think about it before Sheamus hits the ring and takes out everybody, leaving Santino for last. Morrison to the rescue once again and we finally actually book the match for Survivor Series.

Half way through.

Otunga faces Kofi Kingston from Smackdown. Kingston isn’t good enough to make Otunga look good and Kingston picks up the win only after George “The Animal” Steele eats a turnbuckle and Kofi uses the steel ring to bash Otunga’s head.

The end of the Million Dollar Title storyline comes suddenly and is a mess. It features Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Dusty Rhodes in a wig pretending to be Aksana’s mother, Aksana in a net, Goldust taking the belt and giving it to Ted Dibiase Sr. Million dollar daddy and IRS offer the belt to Ted Jr, but he’s no longer interested in hand me downs. Cody is here to join the family, but he and big brother aren’t friends. Then they dance to Dusty’s theme, even Tatakna dances by. Then we get Ron Simmons to say “Damn.” (Editor’s Note: This sounds both bizarre and awesome at the same time)

They somehow remaster commentary from Lord Alfred Hayes for the product promos. That’s a nice little tribute to the departed. Why are they still letting Eve dance along side R-Truth? Even dancing is like that female SNL character who looks hot, but everything she does is the opposite of sexy. Barrett wins after a half-decent match.

Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer gets cut off by Tito Santana and his driver is Chavo Guererro Senior aka Chavo Classic. With CM Punk out of action Del Rio takes over making fun of fat Americans. He also feels the legends should respect him. That draws Sergeant Slaughter. Didn’t sarge used to have hair? I didn’t expect much of a match. Slaughter does get the Cobra Clutch on, but Del Rio makes the ropes. Del Rio doesn’t even need a finisher to win, just a big kick to the back of the head in the corner. The Armbar goes on after the match so MVP can make a save.

May Young deserves to make an appearance, but she’s not in great shape at 87. The Bellas are all but holding her on her feet. We’re reminded that Young was once really hot, but the clips package is all from RAW’s days. LayCool comes out to make fun of her, in part for never winning a championship. Mae demands a no-DQ match against both of them. The champs make it Falls Count Anywhere which allows Natalya, Melina, Eve and Gail Kim to come out and destroy the champs so May can plant her foot for the pin. And I thought Bret Hart wrestling was bad.

WOW! Jim Ross is here as a guest commentator! Jim looks fine after his battle with Bell’s Palsy. Sounds fine too. The match he’s here to call is Daniel Bryan versus Jack Swagger. Yeah, I actually want to see that. Cole being a jerk really sours this match and JR’s return. Can’t they shut Cole up once in a while? JR actually focuses on the match going on in the ring! What a change! But seriously, Cole spoils the match for me. Bryan wins, with a kick to the back of the head like Del Rio did. Ted Dibiase attacks Bryan post-match so I guess he’s looking for a belt of his own. JR at least gets to hit Cole with his hat before he leaves.

A Survivor Series match has been added to Survivor Series! Five on five, Team Mysterio versus Team Del Rio.

Piper’s Pit will serve as our main event of this show. I’ll just be glad when it’s over. It’s just plain weird to hear Lord Alfred Hayes hawking paperjamz.com. We bring all the legends for an introduction and a nod of appreciation. It’s the most sincere part of the whole show. Piper is out last and I still wouldn’t want to fight the guy. Piper calls out Cena to remind him some superstars never win the big belt, Piper among them. So he doesn’t want to see Cena hand Wade Barrett a championship. Cena finally breaks. He’s not going to throw everything he’s built away. He’s going to call the match down the middle. That draws Barrett who says down the middle is all he needs. Then Piper gets to go off on Barrett. But Barrett gets a last laugh as he forces Cena to put on a Nexus t-shirt. Cena gets to renew his vow that he’ll destroy Barrett after Survivor Series win or lose. Barrett is fine, he has Nexus to protect him.

Finally Randy Orton shows up. This show is already supposed to be over. Orton could take Cena out… but instead he goes after Barrett. He gets to lay a beatdown before Barrett can ask Cena for help. Cena tries to block but gets RKOed. Orton tries to punt Barrett but Cena, who is up way too quickly after an RKO, hits him with an Attitude Adjustment. Barrett want Cena to raise his hand – but Cena AAs him too and throws off the Nexus t-shirt. Piper is sure proud of him.

A good final segment I don’t like the way this show turned out. Three-hour RAWs are usually too much anyway but tonight the theme got in the way. I don’t want to see every legend from the past reduced to a joke yet they were mostly used for comic relief. What should have been the match of the night, Bryan/Swagger, was ruined by the commentary. Still, I’m pleased I’m going to get to see Survivor Series so the WWE did the most important part of their job. They sold the Pay Per View.

Posts Tagged With john cena

Wrestling Recaps

It seems like Survivor Series is still really far away. It’s a long break by modern WWE standards and this is only the second last, not last, RAW before the PPV. Hopefully the show doesn’t just spin its wheels for two hours. Manchester, England across the Atlantic Ocean hosts RAW tonight. We open with John Cena behind a Nexus podium reading from scroll. The prepared statement sings the praises of Nexus. It’s interesting to listen to the Manchester crowd. A vocal segment of them are cheering the hometown boy. Jerry Lawler is out with a knee injury so we get the NXT team of Cole and Josh Matthews. Barrett promises a preview of his championship celebration tonight. Barrett has issues however. First he calls David Otunga on the mat for undermining his authority. He’s madder they failed though.

On to Cena. Cena is actually funny as he gives a rundown of the launch of his career when Barrett asks him “What happened?” Cena renews his vow; once the Survivor Series match is over he beats down Barrett and anyone who tries to interfere. Barrett demands Cena announce him as the new champion as practice for Survivor Series, but Randy Orton won’t sit idly by for that and the crowd can finally get firmly behind someone. Orton knows he can beat Barrett no matter who the referee is. The anonymous virtual general manager finally chimes in to cancel Barrett’s celebration and makes the title match at SS pinfall or submission only. He, or she I suppose, also bans Nexus from ringside. As for tonight it’s going to be a ten-man tag match with the E-GM picking Orton’s team. Once again Cena is to be referee. An angry Cena knocks over the podium, then Otunga, before striding away.

Eve, Niki and Bella (all of whom could stand to go in the rumoured upcoming Diva cuts) take on Maryse, Alicia Fox and Tamita in some silly soccer themed match. It’s just a normal match with outfits and the Bellas make the switch for the win.

There’s one too many people in Nexus for this match. So Otunga gets the boot and faces Cena instead.

The Hart Dynasty face the Ousos in a “Who cares about tag wrestling anymore?” match which the Ousos win as we keep crawling towards the break-up of the Hart Dynasty. Santino has invited Sheamus to a tea party tonight. That could be awesome or awful, we’ll just have to wait and see. Orton hopes his team is the best of the best and we learn The Miz is the first other member. Goldust continues to somehow be on TV as he faces Ted Dibiase again. It’s more soap opera shenanigans as Maryse steals the million-dollar belt, then Aksana shows up to steal it.  Goldust gets the win but his gold digger wife runs off with the belt he rightfully stole.

Nexus accompanies David Otunga to the ring, then Barrett turns them around and they all head back. That leaves Otunga to face an angry Cena.  Otunga tries to run, only to be dragged back in for the match. Considering this match is at the middle mark of the show it’s not very long. Cena wins with an STF and Otunga still isn’t very good in the ring. By the way, next week’s RAW is three hours long and a special old school episode. Post-match Wade Barrett tells Otunga to go to Smackdown again and face Edge. Win or else.

Santino’s tea party with Sheamus (and Vladimir Koslov) is a long comedy segment. Santino trying to play nice with Sheamus, but constantly putting his foot in his mouth is actually pretty funny. The crowd loves Santino too. E-GM pipes up again and books a match between the two. Santino tries to bail but the GM threatens him with suspension so the comedy wrestler tries to psych himself up to fight. Snatino ends up low blowing Sheamus and getting disqualified and Santino celebrates too long, especially for losing, and gets beat down by Sheamus. John Morrison has to make the save again and it will be nice when Morrison gets some mic time in this feud.

The main event entrances begins at twenty minutes before the hour. But with five team members to enter we may not get much wrestling time. The mystery members of Orton’s team are R-Truth, Daniel Bryan and Mark Henry. Otunga doesn’t come out until the middle of the match so there’s a lot of speculation as to his motives. Barrett avoids Orton for most of the match but face each other at the finish. Then, out of nowhere, with Otunga distracting Cena, The Miz turns on Orton and hits him with his finisher, the Skull Crushing Finale. Cena counts the pin and, once again, Orton gets screwed.

I was worried we’d be spinning our wheels this week. It wasn’t a bad show but did anything really change tonight? The biggest development was the set-up for the match on Smackdown. Less focus on just being in England and more on selling other matches for Survivor Series would have been appreciated.

Nexus returns to Smackdown on Friday. Let’s see if it helps sell a PPV.

Posts Tagged With john cena

Lucian WWE Wrestling Recap

Welcome to another week in wrestling. As always, RAW is our first stop on the sports entertainment wagon train. We open with the champion, who we don’t see as often as you’d expect on this show. He wants to know if Cena is going to screw him over so out comes Cena and even he isn’t sure. Cena reiterates if Orton wins Cena is fired and if Barrett wins Cena is free of Nexus. This writing is more nuanced than we often get from Nexus. Orton runs down Cena, Cean runs down Barrett. That draws Nexus. Barrett doesn’t care what Cena says about him. At Survivor Series Cena will do what he says. Cena promises, one way or the other, at Survivor Series he’s beating the hell out of Barrett. Which raises the possibility that Barrett will win and Miz will cash in Money in the Bank. Anonymous GM by email books Barrett and partner of choice versus Orton and partner of choice with John Cena as special guest ref to see how he’s going to act.

Tonight, Pee Wee Herman!

The Hart Dynasty get a shot at the new tag champs, Health Slater and Justin Gabriel. Apparently the Harts have been having trouble on B-show Superstars. Superstars was the C show until NXT couldn’t find one single station in the 500 channel universe willing to air their crap. Here, David Hart Smith gets shoved in the way of Tyson Kidd’s aerial moves allowing Nexus to double team Kidd for the win. 450 Splash as usual for the win. And no R-Truth, you aren’t important enough for John Cena to tell you what he’s going to do.

Here comes Sheamus, who had to job to Santino last week thanks to John Morrison, gets on the microphone first. Sheamus claims Santino didn’t beat him; he beat himself. So Sheamus wants a rematch. Santino is out to make jokes, he’s not dressed to compete. Santino begs off after overdosing on candy. So Vladamir Koslov is lined up as a replacement. Koslov is the kind of guy WWE “creative” thinks the crowd will always buy as a threat so it’s hard to tell if Sheamus is in trouble just because he doesn’t totally crush him. Sheamus goes after Santino after the match and comedy boy tries to bribe him with candy, $3 cash and an Amex. In the end it’s John Morrison who comes to his aid.

Why is R-Truth gossiping to John Cena? This just makes Truth look bad. But it does earn him a spot as Orton’s partner in the main event so I guess he’s not suffering. Mark Henry wants a hug from Pee Wee. That nearly crushes the comeback out of him. We waste time with Divas playing Twister. Woah, Lita is here! The Pee Wee’s Playhouse theme gets old fast when you always here the same snippets of it. Zack Ryder is set to lose to Ezekiel Jackson. Is Jackson a face now? Is Ryder? Or is Ryder simply jobber to all? This here is what you call domination.

Pee Wee introduces tonight’s secret word, ring, which the crowd either doesn’t get or doesn’t care about, until The Miz interrupts. Reilly gets it, Miz does not. Standard Pee Wee shenanigans ensue. Miz threatens Herman and he brings out his “Cousin” the Big Show in a Pee Wee outfit. Show cleans house but E-Gm once again wants to see The Miz versus Big Show. I wonder what cheap excuse they will use to not give us a real match this time? Actually, they don’t. We get a decent match out of these two that ends with Miz clobbering Show with the MitB briefcase and getting DQed.

How about Shut Up For WWE?

Barrett tries to humiliate Cena even further to inspire him to want out. But David Otunga, Wade’s partner for tonight, thinks he’s the biggest thing going. Ted Dibiase loses to Daniel Bryan. He blames his loss on not having his million-dollar belt. I blame it on Bryan being way more over. OMG Jerry Lawler just criticized Goldust marrying Aksana because he was robbing the cradle. Jerry Lawler just criticized someone for robbing the cradle. I have no words.

LayCool may finally have run its course. It’s time to turn Layla on McCool and have them finally fight each other. Michelle faces Natalya tonight with a title shot at Survivor Series on the line. Michelle shows that she will actually do a job once in a while. Her husband has been better at that lately and that’s saying something.

Freddie Prinz Jr. is back on the RAW creative team and he shows up playing a doctor. Apparently Vince McMahon has been in a coma for four months. Not showing up constantly on the campaign trail or anything. The weird thing is he comes out when Dr. Prinz mentions Linda spent 50 million on her campaign. Vince and Prinz are the latest comedy duo as Vince gets filled in on everything wrong in the WWE right now. If it were everything wrong with the WWE we’d need a six hour show. Then they do a Dallas and it’s all a dream in Stephanie McMahon’s mind. Well, that was a colossal waste of time.

Finally we get to the main event, at ten minutes before the hour. I find myself easily distracted from the match itself. Only the occasional uncertainty of what Cena will do makes it interesting and Cena calls it fair. He misses a tag by Orton and R-Truth gets the black beaten off him. Don’t take offense I’m quoting Ernie Ladd. But Cena misses a Barrett tag and Orton RKOing Otunga. That lets R-truth crawl over Otunga for the win.

On Tuesday night Linda McMahon lost her big for senate. So there’s some good news before we have to face the Goldust and Aksana wedding. Kaitlyn has a great dress tonight. In fact, all the rookies are looking more stylish than usual. The pros are dressed up too. I hope this black dress isn’t what Aksana plans to get married in. There are two competitions, an elimination and a match tonight. Since Aksana hasn’t won a competition she’s mathematically eliminated and gets excused to go get ready for her wedding.

Competition one is a kissing contest. The men did it too so I guess it’s not sexist. The kissee is Hornswoggle. Kaitlyn has to get on her knees to get a big kiss. Maxine doesn’t even agree to participate then she’s all mean to Hornswoggle and drives the poor little guy off with hurt feelings. Stepping up to the plate? “Dashing” Cody Rhodes, here for his brother’s wedding. They start over so Kaitlyn has to go twice. Maxine goes. Now Naomi refuses. Woah, AJ goes nuts. I so love her. She wins too!

Cole is in a tuxedo t-shirt and running down the show as usual. Primo remembers how to talk? And was jealous of Cody? They want to talk in private but Dusty Rhodes and the Bellas already have the room occupied. We squeeze in a match between two pros, Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox. It’s short but considering how little I think of the participants it’s not bad. Primo and AJ are still searching backstage only to find Hornswoggle and Maxine making out.

We come to competition #2 and Maxine and Kaitlyn compete despite being eliminated. The contest is really dumb. They have a bunch of boxes and a flag hidden in one. It’s a race. Survivor and The Amazing Race are way more clever that this and even they have lost their charms for me. So this is terrible. At least it’s short as Kaitlyn wins but Naomi ends up with immunity as a result.

Once again searching for privacy Primo and AJ come upon Dolph and Kaitlyn making out. And Vickie sees it. Wow, actual plot development on NXT! Vickie comes charging and ends up with a cake thrown on her. Weddings are like that though. Especially WWE weddings.

Cody and his dad form the wedding party and Hornswoggle is carrying the ring. Goldust is in a tux and carries the million dollar belt. Aksana is in a gold dress. That ducks the wearing white issue. They wrote their own vows with Goldust getting in his catchphrase and Aksana not even succeeding in starting a USA chant. The minister is on Dibiase’s payroll and bails on the wedding. Dibiase feeds Aksana to immigration but will let the wedding go ahead for his title belt. But Dusty has a back up minister. It’s Ted Dibiase Sr. And yes, he is an ordained minister. But why is he selling out his son? Just because the look on his son’s face is priceless. Dusty steals a kiss before his son gets up the nerve. But Aksana slaps her new husband in the face as a heel turn. That could have been far, far worse but was hardly an incredible payoff.

Aksana stalking off is not nearly as impressive since she’s back immediately for the elimination. Maxine, the most obvious pick, is gone tonight Off-script for a change Maxine isn’t as eloquent as she has been previously. Four more episodes and this monstrosity ends.

A good friend has offered to take me to see Survivor Series in a movie theater. It won’t be easy to take notes but I should be able to offer some basic coverage. Let’s see if Smackdown can be as good as RAW.

Posts Tagged With john cena

Wrestling Recap WWE

There was a PPV this weekend. Among the winners: Team Smackdown, Daniel Bryan, LayCool and Wade Barrett by disqualification. Word is Barrett was still the planned winner until hours before the show. And, even more weird, John Cena and Otunga are tag champs. Speaking of Nexus, they open this week’s RAW. For no good reason they helped take out Undertaker in the Buried Alive match. Barrett doesn’t want to tell you why. So there. Barrett gets another title shot, special guest referee to be determined by tonight’s main event winner. It’s Orton versus any Nexus member. It takes three seconds before Cena is chosen. Otunga complains about how Cena treated him so Barrett books Otunga and Cena to face Slater and Gabriel. He immediately tells someone to lie down, but it’s Otunga he wants to do it. Otunga pretends to be conflicted better than he pretends to wrestle. But he does the job like Tommy Dreamer. So the tag belts are being hotshotted around like they mean nothing. Joy is me.

Vickie Guerrero is here. Apparently her rookie spells her name Kaitlyn. We’re getting a rematch of Dolph Ziggler versus Daniel Bryan. That doesn’t make the Pay Per View seem all that special, but tonight CM Punk is on commentary. Some nice technical wrestling early and Bryan does a dive to the outside. It’s a really good match. These guys work together well and if CM Punk weren’t such a good wrestler I’d suggest he replace Lawler full-time. The finish is weird. Bryan gets the LaBelle lock, but Vickie puts Dolph’s foot under the bottom rope. Only the ref doesn’t see it so Bryan wins anyway.

Guest star Toby Keith has shenanigans with Santino until Sheamus decides to challenge him to a match for embarrassing RAW at Bragging Rights. Cena is finally ready to quit but Barrett says he’ll have an offer Cena will like… if Cena can beat Orton tonight.

There’s a ridiculously short tag match where LayCool beat Melina and Gail Kim. The Miz makes excuses for losing and Eve comes out to give him a dressing down. She talks way better than she dances. That brings out R-Truth who must be The Miz’s next filler feud. E-GM succinctly orders a match.

Toby Keith sucks on the mic. Sheamus beats up Santino for a while. John Morrison arrives to try to get the ref to stop the match, but Sheamus misses a Brogue Kick in the corner and Santino actually rolls him up for a pin! Not even Santino can believe it and Sheamus again shows his facial expressions are stellar.

Why is the WWE bothering with these extremely limited theater runs for their movies instead of just putting them straight to DVD? It’s not like they’re waiting between them. The next step in Stand Up For WWE is to have the superstars and divas talk about how much they love their work. That’s nice, but doesn’t give me any reason to stand up for them if they’re having so much fun. Otunga is not having fun but with new Nexus members McGuillicuddy and Harris staring him down Otunga swallows his pride in the name of team unity.

It’s not much of a main event with the story focusing on Cena refusing to let Barrett aid him in any way. Cena counters an RKO into an AA but Orton actually kicks out! Orton does hit his next RKO attempt but Cena rolls out of the ring. Orton gets him back in for the punch but Barrett pulls Cena out and attacks him to get Orton disqualified. Orton goes nuts on Barrett but can’t fight off the rest of Nexus. When Cena tries to help Barrett gets on the mic to stop him. Barrett, of course, names Cena the special guest ref for Survivor Series. And the twist is predictable. If Barrett doesn’t win the title… Cena is fired. If he does win it, Cena is free from Nexus.

Over on NXT, we get a Halloween costume contest. AJ looks great as a ninja turtle, Naomi is ridiculous as a Hamburger Helper hand. Aksana is the devil, but not really sexy. She seems like she should be sexy from her look, but she doesn’t actually have any sex appeal. Maxine is the ice queen but it’s Kaitlyn who wins with her costume and impression of Vickie Guererro. Even more ridiculous is that Maxine and Naomi wrestle in costume.

There will be an elimination next week, bringing us mercifully closer to the end of this fiasco. Back in season one I loved this show. Now? Flames, flames at the sides of my head. Aksana and Goldust also get married next week. Brie Bella takes on AJ as they tease Nikki becoming more aggressive and taking over for her in the match. It happens again here and Brie is not happy, despite winning.

Ted Dibiase and Maryse are here to get back the million dollar title. Competition #2 is a candy eating contest. Somebody’s fetish gets a lot more material from this segment. Hornswoggle shows up too. Maxine wins, but Hornswoggle may have eaten some of her candy. Kaitlyn “chokes” and we get a little person Heimlich.

So our main event is Dibiase and Maryse versus Goldust and Aksana. At least they are having main show storylines cross over to this one. Just don’t expect them to have any major storyline developments. Aksana actually pins Maryse, with a fluke roll-up that makes them both look weak. The battle for the belt is what matters and, of course, Aksana and Goldust escape with it.

I’ll be back later in the week with Smackdown and TNA. I haven’t seen any spoilers but I have a sinking feeling a Kane/Big Show feud is on the way.