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WWE Royal Rumble

Today’s topic: the 2014 Royal Rumble, sucked or shone? Lets see what FACE and HEEL thought of the show…

FACE: What an amazing Rumble. Let’s start at the beginning. We had an incredible match between Daniel Bryan and Bray Wyatt. We saw Brock Lesnar destroy the Big Show. The New Age Outlaws turned back the clock and won the tag team titles 15 years after last holding them. That’s a record. Randy Orton and John Cena tore the house down until a distraction by the Wyatt Family cost Cena the match. That’s all before the Rumble itself. There we saw Roman Reigns break the record for eliminations in a match. We saw surprises galore and we saw a great win by Batista.

HEEL: Are you kidding me? What show did you watch? I’ll concede the Daniel Bryan/Bray Wyatt match was excellent. But Lesnar and Show? It wasn’t a match it was just a beating (watch and judge for yourself). And having the announcers describe it as “borderline criminal?” Beating a man with a chair when it’s not part of a sanctioned match is criminal! That’s not the sort of thing you should talk about. Cena and Orton put on an okay match but the crowd was crapping all over it. Orton didn’t get a decisive win over Cena so he still looks like a weak champion. Don’t get me started on the Old Age Outlaws holding a title. And, as for the Rumble, most of it was a bad joke. Kevin Nash entering? JBL entering as a joke competitor? All the while taking up spots that could have gone to guys like Xavier Woods? Disgraceful. Roman Reigns was impressive, so impressive the fans cheered him over your supposed face winner, Batista. The fans wanted to see Daniel Bryan in that match. The fans wanted Daniel Bryan to win that match. I sincerely hope Bryan wins the Elimination Chamber and faces Batista, or both Batista and Orton, at Wrestlemania or you’re going to find there are a lot less people interested in that show that you’d normally expect.

FACE: It’s okay to have some humor in the Royal Rumble. It breaks things up, it breaks things up. It entertains a portion of the fanbase.

HEEL: A midget in a bull costume does not belong it the Royal Rumble. A retired color commentator does not belong in the Royal Rumble. Especially when the announcer says “the JBL character has never entered the Royal Rumble.” You don’t refer to wrestlers as characters. You say something along the lines of “JBL has never entered the Royal Rumble since adopting that moniker.”

FACE: It’s easy for armchair quarterbacks and fantasy bookers to criticize, but the creative team has a lot of factors to deal with. They have to plan for the future. CM Punk was being built up to face Kane, then HHH. Cody Rhodes and Goldust have lost the tag titles. It makes sense for them to feud with each other. Having Goldust eliminate his brother, even if it’s by accident, builds towards that feud. Roman Reigns is going to be a face when the Shield breaks up. That’s something else WWE built towards.

HEEL: No matter how you try to spin it WWE did not give the fans what they wanted and the reaction showed it. Creative needs to get their heads out of their collective rears and start focusing on the right people.

That’s it for this column of World of Wrestling. The one thing Good Cop and Bad Cop agree on is that we welcome your comments, requests and opinions!

Royal Rumble

I think it is pretty obvious that WWE has screwed the pooch with this year’s Royal Rumble. What’s the main attraction of the Royal Rumble? Anyone can see that it is the Royal Rumble match!

Yet here we sit, a week from the event and I’m not sure they’ve announced even half the people in it. Who have they announced? Dave Batista, a man I’ve never been impressed with, who has finally decided to come back because, apparently, it’s not so easy to become a movie star. And beyond him? Alberto Del Rio, a man who has fallen so low down the card he jobbed to Sin Cara about a month ago. Then you throw in Kofi Kingston, a man who nobody thinks has a shot, yet they muddy the waters by giving him a win over the champion. Who does that help? Is Kingston going to become number one contender? Not with “Captain Ego”, Brock Lesnar in line first even after Superman Cena.  Right now there is not one credible person in the Rumble other than Batista, and if you go into the match knowing who is going to win then what’s the point? Other entries include CM Punk, Rey Mysterio, and Roman Reigns.

What else does the Rumble have? Well, we’ve got John Cena versus Randy Orton in a rematch of one of the most historic matches in fifty years, the unification of the WWE and the World Heavyweight championships. And there is Big Show versus Brock Lesnar. With the launch of the WWE Network just about a month away, WWE needs to be bring their A+ game more than ever. They unified the titles a month early. They’ve paid barely any attention to the Royal Rumble match and they’ve let Brock Lesnar just crown himself the next #1 contender. The Royal Rumble is going to decide one half of the main event at Wrestlemania. There’s only one champion left for the winner to challenge. Turning it into a throwaway match is just like throwing away money.

I was watching NXT about a month ago, if my research is right it was the 200th episode. The NXT Tag Team champions, a title I hold in slightly higher prestige than the TNA Knockouts Tag Titles, known as The Ascension, had issues an open challenge to any tag team in the world. They were answered by The American… Pitbulls? Here are some highlights.

The Wolves

Now any Ring of Honor fan, or fan of indie or Japanese wrestling knows The American Wolves. Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards have been as famous as you can get without working for TNA or WWE for years now. Which means, of course, once they come to WWE they must be “repackaged.” I’ve never understood why WWE has come to believe every wrestler they hire needs a new name, a new gimmick and near whitewash of their history. I can understand WWE not wanting to acknowledge TNA. TNA at least passes for a vague shadowy ghost of a spectra of a wisp of a challenge to them. But Ring of Honor?

WWE uses RoH as much as a development territory as they do NXT. Where do you think CM Punk came from? Why was CM Punk the last guy they let keep his name? Punk got over in WWE by being the same guy he got over as in the indies and RoH. Bryan Danielson and Daniel Bryan are all but the same and Bryan became Superstar of the Year as voted by the fans. Even worse the pair became Derek Billington (Richards) and John Cahill (Edwards). WWE changed their names and, of course, came up with what my Irish friend Conor could only describe as “shite names.” However that is not the worst news of this story. WWE let the Wolves go. Rather than signing one of the best teams of the modern day, they let them go to TNA. It’s maddening for me to learn this. What’s even more upsetting is I may have to start watching TNA again just to see them.

It’s Royal Rumble night.

7:13 No one is here yet and I’m trying not to eat all the snacks before they get there. The sensor pad has quit on my brand new laptop. It’s not a hardware issue because it works before I log in. So I keep having to move my mouse to my laptop then back to my PC.

7:15 Hugh arrives.

7:25 We discuss spoilers and TNA. Hugh spills chips.

7:30 Here’s Justin. Very little chance of Nicole showing up at this stage.

7:38 Nicole begs off by email.

7:35 Beer #1.

7:41 Hugh gets confused because we are watching the WWE Experience not the PPV preview.

7:47 Ordering pizza becomes problematic.

8:00 We begin. Justin can’t believe I don’t like rum.

8:01 The road to Wrestlemania begins with a promo video.

8:03 Edge starts the show defending his title. Since the champ is coming out first I’ll assume we will hear from Vickie Guererro.

8:05 Yep. Vickie  reminds us the Spear is banned.

8:10 We send Hugh to fetch the pizza to avoid delivery and tip charges.

8:11 Edge is just nto somebody I buy being limited to one move.

8:15 Justin describes an Indian wedding as we await Hugh and food. The match is still in the early stages so there’s not much to say about it.

8:18 The simultaneous Cross-Body taking both men down seems popular lately.

8:22 Pizza makes us miss stuff.

8:26 Some nice false finishes.

8:28 Kelly Kelly attacks Vickie.

8:29 A ref bump allows Edge to hit the Spear.

8:30 The ref wakes up and Edge hits an Unprettier for the win. Nice, but a pretty tame match.

8:33 We’re going right into the WWE title match now.

8:45 None of us like Michael Cole’s persona.

8:50 If a heel brings a lackey that lackey should interfere but I’d like to see Miz get a win on his own.

9:00 Miz tries to walk out. It is not to be.9:02 The Viper is coiled when the New Nexus, minus CM Punk himself, shows up for no apparent reason. Orton actually throws Reilly into the lot of them. Orton hits an RKO but Punk  suddenly appears to hit Go To Sleep on Orton and Miz is able to cover and pin him. Hugh is completely baffled as to the reason.

9:06 Todd Grisham reads a prepared statement from Cody Rhodes.

9:09 Divas time. Two-on-one Handicap Match for the title?

9:11 E-GM pipes up. There are two clowns, literal clowns, behind Cole and even they are telling him to shut up. He changes the match to a Fatal Fourway and adds Eve.

9:15 Lay-Cool come face to face but nothing comes of it.

9:16 Double Sharpshooter.

9:18 Eve pins Layla while Michelle has Natalya pinned too and the ref only sees one so Eve becomes the new champion.

9:19 Beer #2.

9:20 Crap with Dnaiel Bryan, Gail Kim and The Bellas.

9:27 Rumble!

9:28 CM Punk has to come out at #1.

9:30 The Corre show up and surround the ring. The New Nexus comes out to turn it into a brawl.

9:31 Here comes E-GM again. He demands everyone return to the locker room.

9:33 The real #2 entry is Daniel Bryan.

9:34 Cole “Who cares about the Internet?” Justin “The government of Egypt.”

9:34 Justin Gabriel is now out for real.

9:35 Justin misses a 450 Splash and Bryan ELIMINATES him.

9:36 Enter Zack Ryder.

9:37 Bryan takes out Ryder too.

9:37 William Regal.

9:39 #6 Ted Dibiase Jr.

9:41 #7 John Morrison

9:42 john Morrison get thrown out but lands on the ring barrier and jumps back to the ring steps and back into the ring. William Regal gets dumped in the meantime.

9:43 Yoshi Tatsu.

9:44 Husky Harris comes out to join Punk. New Nexus is certainly outshining The Corre so far.

9:46 #10 Chavo.

9:47 #11 Mark Henry.

9:48 Henry takes out Chavito. Then Yoshi Tatsu.

9:48 JTG. When do we see some more good people?

9:50 Another Nexi, Michael Maguillicuddy.

9:51 JTG is out.

9:52 Harris and Maguillicuddy take out Ted Dibiase.

9:52 Chris Masters is #14.

9:53 David Otunga, another New Nexus man, is in the mix to help Punck.

9:54 Punk takes out Daniel Bryan. Then Nexus take out John Morrison.

9:55 Nexus takes out Mark Henry to leave just them in the ring. Tyler Reks has to try to fight them next. He doesn’t last long.

9:56 Vladimir Kozlov. He barely lasts a minute.

9:58 R-Truth. He also lasts a minute.

9:59 Marks the return of The Great Khali. Khali actually fights off the New Nexus and tosses Harris.

10:01 #20 Here comes Mason Ryan the last member of the New Nexus.

10:01 Ryan takes out Khali to return control to The Nexus.

10:02 BOOKER T!

10:04 Spinaroonie! But it gets him dumped almost right away.

10:04 #22 John Cena. This should break Nexus’s dominance. Yep, Cena takes out the whole gang except Punk.

10:07 #23 Hornswoggle!

10:08 Surprisingly, Cena dumps CM Punk and the story of Nexus is done for this Rumble.

10:09 Tyson Kidd.

10:10 Hornswoggle actually manages an Attitude Adjustment on Kidd  who Cena dumps later.

10:10 #25 Heath Slater. Hornswoggle and Cena continue to engage in crazy antics.

10:12 Cena and Hornswoggle’s alliance continues to dominate as they take out Cena.

10:12 Kofi Kingston.

10:14 Lucky #27 Jack Swagger, he’s not going  to win.

10:15 More antics with Hornswoggle.

10:15 Sheamus, who does not like Hornswoggle.

10:17 Sheamus finally takes out Hornsqoggle.

10:17 Rey Mysterio.

10:18 Mysterio takes out Swagger.

10:19 #30 Wade Barrett.

10:20 Dolph Ziggler enters despite losing a title shot earlier tonight.

10:22 DIESEL!!! He kicks ass but no eliminations.

10:23 Drew McIntyre. He and Sheamus team up.

10:24 Diesel has huge heat.

10:25 #34 Alex Reilly, accompanied by The Miz.

10:25 Barrett takes out Diesel and the crowd is not happy. Neither is Hugh.

10:26 Miz joins commentary.

10:26 Big Show.

10:28 Show takes out Ziggler. Not sure why he was in there.

10:28 #36 Ezekial Jackson. McIntyre goes, Zeke dumps Big Show without too much trouble,

10:30 Santino Marella.

10:31 #38 Alberto Del Rio.

10:32 Reilly went at some point while Del Rio was stalling on the way to the ring.

10:33 Orton enters before Del Rio even gets to the ring.

10:34 Sheamus and Drew McIntyre are gone.

10:34 #40 is Kane in his 13th straight Tumble.

So who is left?

Barrett, Orton, Cena, Mysterio, Kane, Ezekial Jackson and Del Rio.

10:36 Jackson gets dumped by Kane. Mysterio manages to flip Kane out but Wade Barrett knocks him out immediately,

10:38 Cena and Orton finally come to blows.

10:39 Miz and A-Rei combine to take Cena out of the match.

10:41 Was Santino ever eliminated?

10:42 Orton dumps Barrett  and Del Rio dumps Orton! Del Rio is announced as the winner but Santino climbs back into the ring and hits the Cobra! But he can’t get him over the ropes and Del Rio reverses and Santino is out. Nice joke. Del Rio’s ring announcer gets to go wild announcing him.

As much as I love the ending the Rumble wasn’t that much. The two surprises mad no difference whatsoever, the stable wars never emerged and Nexus was out by the middle. Miz ticked off Cena so Del Rio can face Edge while Cena faces The Miz even higher on the card. No sign of HHH or The Undertaker, who I was expecting. The undercard was weak so I’m not that impressed overall. As Rumbles go it just didn’t seem special.

Now to bed.

Posted on January 30th, 2011 by Lucian | Leave a Comment (1)
Filed Under Entertainment