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Wrestling Recap WWE

I wanted to take a moment to say “hi!’ to those of you who are seeing this at Hollywood the Game. Welcome, the more the merrier!

Night of Champions has come and gone. Bryan Danielson holds WWE gold. Randy Orton is the champion at last. Kane retained. Michelle McCool unified the Women’s belts. Dolph Ziggler kept his title and after an unannounced Tag Team Turmoil match Drew McIntyre and Cody Rhodes are now Unified Tag Team Champions. Oh, and Big Show buried CM Punk. Plus Chris Jericho may be out of WWE for the time being.

We have a new champion to begin RAW. Let’s see how many times he’s interrupted before he’s done talking. Spoke too soon. Before Randy even starts talking Sheamus interrupts. Sheamus is tired of getting robbed of the title in multi-man matches. Orton can’t beat Sheamus for the title. Orton speaks, reminding him he won the title in a Fatal Fourway and, when they did face, Sheamus got himself disqualified. Both threaten to kick the other in the head. This draws an email from our anonymous General Manager. The rematch is set for the Pay Per View in 13 days (surprise, surprise) inside Hell in a Cell. That’s what the PPV is called after all. Sheamus is happy with that but he wants the title belt until then. Orton goes on a nice spiel where he talks like a heel and the crowd loves him for it. Seriously, he says he’d RKO his grandmother to keep the title and the crowd eats it up. RKO ends the segment.

The Hart Dynasty joins commentary, and Tyson Kidd isn’t doing that well. As the new tag champs take on Vladamir Koslov and Santino Marella. It lasts longer than most of Santino’s matches, but Drew gets a clean pin over Koslov to help establish themselves as a team. Jericho isn’t gone yet and faces John Morrison tonight. Morrison can get over on his athleticism alone if WWE lets him. This guy makes his warm up interesting. Jericho is now denying he ever said he’d quit. Jericho and Morrison have a decent little match. Morrison escapes the Walls a couple of times and picks up the win with Starship Pain. Even in defeat there are a lot of “Y2J” chants for Jericho. Good match.

Zach Ryder and Edge continue their funny backstage bits when Bryan Danielson asks them to keep it down. Edge decides he wants Bryan tonight as Ryder holds up a backward L to insult him. The Miz writes off his loss due to being injured. He’s out to watch Edge face Daniel Bryan. The winner of this match will be very telling. Bryan comes out to new music, Flight of the Valkyries. The Miz has signed Alex Reilly, not at rigngside, to a personal services contract. The Miz has a Virgil. More good wrestling on this episode. Reilly runs in, just to distract the ref to allow Miz to hit Bryan and give Edge the win… But the GM reverses the decision. So they don’t have enough faith in Bryan to give him a clean win over Edge. Instead he takes a backseat to The Miz and Edge feuding with the GM. The segment finish is Miz and Reilly beating down Bryan.

LayCool is being called the Unified Divas Championship. They dropped Women’s for Diva’s? That’s sad. Layla is defending the title tonight, in Melina’s rematch. Melina tries to go after McCool, but has to return to the ring to avoid a countout. Layla is a far better prospect than McCool as Layla hits a great move of the top turnbuckle and wins the match.

Jericho shills his new DVD. Orton tries to shut him up by offering a match next week where if Jericho wins Orton will give him a title shot. Orton is pretty sure he can shut up Jericho for a long time. I think R-Truth’s new rap is worse. He and Eve face Dibiase and Maryse. Not much of a match, with Eve getting the win. Afterward, mystery stalker sends a message by TitanTron, but still doesn’t clarify who the target of the affections is.

Cena is supposed to face Wade Barrett, but Barrett make him go through the whole of Nexus in a Gauntlet Match. Cena actually does a very nice Dropkick in the match. John gets through all of them except Gabriel when the whole pack attack him to draw a DQ. They try to bring a chair into the ring, but Cena gets a hold of it and scatters them. Cena still wants the match. Barrett will face Cena at Hell in a Cell, but if Cena loses he joins Nexus. Cena counters that if he wins Nexus is done.

At this point I’m leaning towards Nexus breaking up, but with his film over a Cena heel turn could freshen up RAW and revitalize Nexus in one swoop. Or Cena becomes the reluctant member. Three options and I expect they’ll choose the worst.

NXT featured CM Punk taking Michael Cole’s spot, musical chairs and an immigration storyline. Michael Cole just comes back, which makes the whole thing pointless. The main event is six diva tag action. Naomi and Jamie join Kelly Kelly to face Katlyn and LayCool. The babyfaces actually pick up the win. It’s Katlyn who takes the pin of course.

RAW had some direction this week. With only thirteen days until the next PPV there was no time for a slow build. While I’d prefer a few less big shows a year this pace has some benefits. As for NXT, the diva season was a mistake and no matter how many sideplots and bells and whistles they try to add it can’t change that fact. We will have to see if Smackdown can be just as good.

Wrestling Recap

Smackdown is the go home show before Night of Champions. Will it convince anyone to buy the show? We open with the Peep Show, one of at least two talk show segments on Smackdown. The guest is Albert Del Rio who arrives in an expensive car, introduced by his personal ring announcer. This guy’s mannerisms are brilliant. It’s hard to believe he spent most of his career as a babyface and wearing a mask. Christian thinks Del Rio is a flash in the pan. Christian challenges Del Rios to a match or a fight or anything else at Night of Champions. Del Rio will think about it. So Christian slaps him. That changes his answer to no.

The Hart Dynasty face Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre. Tyson Kidd is looking like a million bucks lately. The heels get an upset win that’s basically clean. We learn that the tag belts will be defended at Night of Champions, we just don’t know against who. There’s a really good (and long for TV) Jack Swagger versus Kofi Kingston match. It’s nice to see Swagger looking strong, but Kingston picks up the win via Trouble in Paradise as he’s the one with a match this Sunday.

Rosa Mendes and Kelly Kelly lose to LaCool. Then there’s a funny segment with them and Kaval. Michelle pulls the old pull names out of a hat bit so she can face Melina. Of course, all the names are Michelle. Kaval is so amusing with these two.

Christian faces CM Punk in the main event match and Del Rio joins commentary. Christian is game and puts up a long fight. Del Rios distracts Christian by claiming he’s reconsidering allowing Punk to hit Go To Sleep. Then Del Rio says his answer is still no. Big Show hits the ring and Punk tries to hold him off, but falls to the knock out punch. CM Punk will win Sunday.

Kane and Taker talk for the go home. It seems redundant to say Kane is over the top, but he’s really going all out tonight. Taker tries to appear when the lights go down, but Kane ends up behind him with the title belt. A beatdown ensues. I do sincerely hope these guys put on a great show Sunday, but I’m not optimistic and I’m not going to see it. I have something more important to do at 8:00 Sunday night than watch Night of Champions. If I were motivated to watch the show I could stay up late and watch the 11:30 pm replay, but I’d prefer a good night’s sleep. This simply isn’t a PPV worth losing sleep over. Kane even steals Taker’s moves to beat him down with.

This week’s TNA was actually pretty decent. At the PPV, Jeff Hardy and Kurt Angle drew while Ken Anderson beat The Pope. So Eric Bischoff announces a Three-way Dance at Bound For Glory. Dixie Carter overrules him and books a Hardy/Angel rematch with no time limit tonight. It was one hell of a match, but it ended in a double pin. So Bischoff went back to a three-way. Hey, I’m glad I saw that match, but it’s booking in circles again.

Tommy Dreamer tried to call a truce with Fortune, singing the praises of each and every one of them, often with shoot comments, but they beat him down. The other EV 2.0 guys were gone, but Brian Kendrick tried to make the save. Emphasize tried. After Fortune gets tired of the beat down Brian Kendrick issues an open challenge to any member of Fortune. Matt Morgan accepted, in street clothes. He dominates the match, but actually gets rolled up at the end. So Kendrick is getting a push.

Also getting a push: Jay Lethal, who won the X Division Championship. It’s not much of a title anymore, but it’s something at least. That’s the highpoints. Maybe extra time off helped them deliver a better show, I don’t know. I do know this is one of their best shows in a long time. All done with no Hogan. Coincidence?

Lucians Wrestling Recap

Not that any of you probably care but there was no TNA show last week. I have no idea why.

On to this week’s WWE RAW. We have a potentially very good main event scheduled, with Randy Orton taking on John Cena. We’ll see if they actually give it to us. It’s RAW Roulette, so this could be fun. The first spin is for Orton and Cena and it comes up as a tables match.

There’s a cage set up so I’m betting on a Cage Match tonight. Oh yeah, this is the “season premiere”. We’re in Cincinnati and an NFL guy is the host, Chad Ochocino. Guy seems to know his way around a microphone, but I’m still glad when The Miz interrupts. Miz insults Cincinnati sports teams which is cheap but effective. E-Gm interrupts to spin the wheel for The Miz. The wheel says Submission Match. The E-GM let’s Chad decide the opponent and, no shock, he picks Daniel Bryan. They don’t show Bryan’s entrance or the start of the match, as sign it’s a packed show tonight. Alex Reilly is still hanging around. It’s not much of a match at all until Miz fakes a hernia and subs Reilly in his place. Bryan makes short work of Reilly, but a miraculously recovered Miz jumps him. Miz hits for a while and postures but Bryan recovers and forces Miz to tap out.

Edge draws Body Slam challenge. He easily beats Evan Bourne, only to have the GM bring out another opponent, Mark Henry. And Henry gets a win over Edge, not something you see every day. R-Truth and Eve face Maryse and Ted Dibiase in a “Song and Dance” Match. Nobody seems to know what that is. Okay, it’s not a match. They pick one singer and one dancer from each team. R-Truth has a new rap! (I don’t really like it though). Dibiase considers forfeiting this whole stupid endeavor, but instead he busts out a lousy version of “My Way” while Maryse does interpretive dance. This is a waste of everyone’s time. At least it ends with a brawl.

William Regal, who never likes RAW Roulette, draws a Trading Places match, which means he has to dress as his opponent…. Who is Goldust. If my memory serves at the first RAW Roulette Regal faced Goldust in a match where they had to dress as Las Vegas Showgirls. Some things never change. Sheamus shows up to learn if John Morrison beats him in their match then Morrison takes Jericho’s spot in the six-pack challenge. The wheel determines that it’s a Falls Count Anywhere Match.

It’s a good example of a Falls Count Anywhere with very little of the action taking place in the ring. Morrison also shines in action when he can play off objects. He actually makes you believe he can win, but Jericho attacks Morrison with the steel chair and Sheamus picks the bones for the win. Jericho stages a sit-in in the ring to get his spot in the six-pack challenge back. He threatens to quit. No response from the GM. Jericho threatens to track him down and expose him. Some back and forth before the E-GM changes the match to elimination and puts Jericho back in the match… BUT Jericho needs to win a match first, right now, against the tag team champions, in a steel cage. Did he spin the wheel for that? Jericho is in a suit so has to wrestle in street clothes. Both the Harts try to escape early, DHS does, which leaves Jericho to face Tyson Kidd and I guess he can eliminate Kidd and still win. So the bulk of the match is one-on-one. The finish is a nice Huricaranna reversal into the Walls of Jericho to get Y2J back in the elimination match.

William Regal looks good as Goldust. Goldust gets his annual win over Regal by using Regal’s old trick, brass knuckles.

The main event is going well, genuinely entertaining, until Nexus arrives to interfere. Cena eats Barrett’s Wasteland. Slater and Gabriel go through tables then Orton does the same to Barrett. With Nexus taken out of the equation we need another run in, this time Edge and Jericho, but Orton is unstoppable lately as he puts Edge and Jericho through a table at once. Sheamus can’t be left out so he runs in too, but Cena recovers enough to catch him with an Attitude Ajustment. We’re back to the original 2. Cena sets up an Attitude Adjustment through the table, but Orton counters it into a RKO and wins the match. Orton again looks like top dog in WWE as he goes over even Cena.

I was hoping for more. We didn’t need the song and dance act and the costume switch match. One more real match would have been a big help. The cluster**** at the end pushed the six-pack challenge, but why is Orton a god lately? And why was there all the fuss of taking Jericho out of the NoC match only to put him right back in?

As for NXT they are still keeping up the pretense that the first elimination is in three weeks, which is weird because that’s the last episode on the SyFy channel. There’s no word on the show continuing anywhere else. So aren’t they just going to end the whole thing and pick a winner there? Wouldn’t it be more dramatic to admit that? About the only thing I will miss from this show is the Josh Matthews and Michael Cole announce pairing. I doubt Jerry Lawler is retiring any time soon.

Dolph Ziggler makes an appearance to win a tag match with Katlyn. There’s a comedy challenge. The jokes are old and the catfights are weak. Michael Cole flips out and runs down the entire show. It’s rare for Michael Cole to voice my thoughts. Jamie has a good night and she’s not entirely objectionable.

The obstacle course is the same basic design as the men’s course just with smaller hurdles and a smaller cart to push up the ramp at the end. Vickie Guererro decides to show the rookies how it’s done which should be funny but she does surprisingly well, which kills the joke. She finally trips near the end then throws a tantrum. How is this meant to be entertaining? Katlyn goes first and wins, since everyone else can make a convenient mistake or two to ensure she does. Cole flips out again and walks off the show.

I just learned I’m going to be busy Sunday night. The only way I could see Night of Champions is to stay up and watch it at 11:30 p.m. Other than seeing Daniel Bryan versus The Miz I have no compelling reason to do so. There probably won’t be a recap of the show as a result.

WWE SmackdownWhat does Smackdown have in store as the Kane/Undertaker feud plods along? They taped in Baltimore last Tuesday. Undertaker is actually wrestling on TV this week as he faces CM Punk. He’s also out to start the show. He cuts a lacklustre promo about being the dominant brother and announces the PPV match will be No Holds Barred, or at least that’s his challenge. CM Punk is the one to interrupt. How is CM Punk facing Big Show at Night of Champions? Neither of them hold a title. Punk rightly points out the Undertaker looks beaten down and tired and isn’t as menacing as he used to be, but Taker can still bust out a catchphrase and it’s time for a commercial anyway.

Let’s see if Jack Swagger can have the success John Morrison had on RAW. He’s facing MVP so even a win won’t really elevate him. They have a pretty typical match before Swagger Dropkicks the ring steps into MVP’s knee, he slams his leg into the ring post, finishing with the ankle lock. MVP taps right away so maybe Swagger is getting rebuilt.

Kaval is on Smackdown and looks to be breaking free of LaCool. I have come to love every moment Alberto Del Rio is on screen. Apparently he really did break Rey Mysterio’s wrist. Del Rio is getting decent competition as he faces a limping Matt Hardy. Stryker makes a Sub-mariner joke in the match. Hee hee. Del Rio drops out of a potential Superplex and yanks Matt Hardy’s arm down into the top rope as he drops. That’s all it takes to set up Del Rio’s finisher and we have another submission tonight. Christian saves Matt Hardy from a beat down but Del Rio vows to make him pay.

Kaval draws Drew McIntyre as his debut opponent. Anyone who thinks Kaval is going to get the same push as Wade Barrett or even Daniel Bryan is in for a shock as McIntyre beats Kaval clean. Dolph Ziggler drags Chavo Guererro out to be his partner. Poor Chavo, he’s always deserved better than he’s got. Remember Kerwin White? The death of that gimmick was the only truly good thing to come out of Eddie’s death. Kofi Kingston has found a scrub from Superstars as his partner as well, Chris Masters. The match only gets really interesting when Dolph and Kofi are in the ring. There’s an odd finish where the ref misses a tag by the heels, which usually happens to the good guys, and Kofi takes down Dolph with Trouble in Paradise. At Night of Champions the title can change hands on a countout or DQ so Dolph is actually going to have to win to keep his title. I’d bet on him.

Big Show pretends to be Josh Matthews and interviews himself. So we’re back to goofy Big Show now? Show gets in one funny comment as he discusses taking out Gallows, Mercury and “that other bald guy they had in their organization.”

That leaves the main event. It’s a pretty plodding match at first. Taker does miss Old School (deliberately) and crotches himself on the top rope. That’s kind of cool. The real problem here, and with Taker overall lately, is once you introduce even a hint of weakness to the Deadman he loses most of his mystique. CM Punk managing a Go To Sleep on Taker looks pretty cool but Taker shrugs it off and goes straight into Hell’s Gate. That leads to a quick tap out. What is it? Submission night? Undertaker’s celebration is cut off by Kane’s pyro and him laughing from the TitanTron. But no answer yet to Undertaker’s challenge…

As for TNA. Well my Digital Video Recorder decided it wasn’t going to record the show so I have no idea what happened. And you know something? I don’t really care.

Posted on September 12th, 2010 by Lucian | Leave a Comment
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Wrestling Recap WWE

WWE Monday Night Raw
Nexus is out to brag at length about their successes over The Undertaker, John Cena, Sheamus and Randy Orton last week. It’s okay, but it goes on too long. Orton is the first one to interrupt. Two problems. First, they claim to single-handedly have taken out The Undertaker. There are 5 of them. They can’t do anything single-handedly. They also claim they will bring the title back home to Nexus. They never had it in the first place, how can they bring it back? The E-Gm E-pipes up to book Nexus in some singles matches. Gabriel v Cena. Orton v Barrett. And yeah, Nexus banned from ringside. I feel like we’ve done this before and with more than just two Nexus members in action.

Jericho is out and E-GM is pissed at him and Edge for walking out of the main event last week. So tonight they both have matches and if they lose they are out of the Six Pack Challenge. Jericho’s opponent is “Job” Morrison. Just to show how little a threat Morrison is Jericho spends most of the match yelling at Michael Cole demanding to know who the E-GM is. At this point? A let down, that’s who. Seriously, there is no credible GM option that is worth all the build up. I’ve already said Paul Heyman, but I’d also love to see John “Bradshaw” Layfield to take up the position. But then, to everyone’s amazement, Morrison actually wins! What is going on with his contract negotiations?

Melina puts her title on the line before the Unification Match at Night of Champions. Alicia Fox calls it the Undefined Championship. She screws up big again. What does anyone see in this woman? After that performance even if she had been booked to win the match they would have changed it on the fly. Dreadful, just dreadful.

Maybe The Miz will save the show. Coming later “The Road to Awesome”. I’m down with that. Edge gripes to Zack Ryder about having to put his shot on the line. These two bring the funny. And they want to face each other tonight. Edge even threatens the E-GM’s laptop. Is Zack Ryder turning face? Is he the new Funaki? Well anything that gets his sweet entrance music played every week is fine with me.

Maryse is with Ted Dibiase. Somebody has a stalker, but both of them think they’re the object of the stalker’s affections. Again, entertaining but not what I want to make up a large portion of my wrestling program. The mid-show match is Cena/Gabriel. The simple fact this is an average length match tells you Justin Gabriel is among the best of Nexus. Cena picks up the win, but it’s an acceptable teenage match.

Is Jerry Lawler actually trying to convince us Legendary has a low screen count by choice? At least they show a new preview of the film. This will probably air on every WWE show this week.

The Miz has been in WWE for six years now? Wow. Oh they are going all the way back to Tough Enough. Miz is at his best when he’s speaking from his heart. And going through his career and saying what other people said about him at the time is right up his alley. And demanding the audience admit they were wrong? Well, allow me to admit I was. Yay! It’s Daniel Bryan, now with bad entrance music, on interruption duty tonight. He mocks his own entrance music. He mocks his rookie status. And yes! Bryan wants a US Title Shot. A rare screw up from Miz as he calls Summerslam, Smackdown. What’s in the water in DC? Is the collective stupidity of that many politicians in one place contagious? Miz actually accepts the challenge. Miz attacks. Bryan counters and goes for the Crossface and Alex Reilly arrive. Bryan comes out on top, getting Reilly to tap out. They’ve given Bryan’s finisher an official name, but I’ll be damned if I can make it out.

Edge comes out, but it’s not Zack Ryder who will face him. It’s The Great Khali. Edge teases smashing the computer but, sadly, no. Edge wastes a lot of time mocking Khali by playing Frankenstein’s Monster outside the ring. Then Edge goes after Khali’s brother and tricks Khali into getting counted out. Dud of a match and not that entertaining. So E-GM restarts the match as a No-DQ Over-the-to-rope challenge. For once it’s a good bait and switch on WWE’s part.

Josh “Nobody Likes You” Matthews tries to interview Chris Jericho. He says nothing. So John Morrison shows up to check if Jericho still considers himself the best in the world at what he does. Maybe, when I had finally written off Morrison, he’s getting a third or fourth chance.

Sheamus is out to watch the main event. Kanrak says: Sheamus interferes to cost Randy Orton the match. I’ve been wrong once tonight, but then Cena and Edge join too and there’s five guys on commentary. This will be a cluster****. Did they just say next week is Raw Roulette? I love Raw Roulette. Cena vows to face the winner of this match next week.

Solid match. Barrett’s finisher is now called Wasteland. Darren Young comes out? I had hoped we’d seen the last of him and now they want to make him a face? And I’m wrong twice tonight as Orton takes advantage of the distraction to RKO Barrett for the win. Darren Young tries to be buddy, buddy with Orton only to eat an RKO. This kills the tiny amount of heat Young had managed to regain with his interruption. Edge attacks, RKO. Sheamus attacks, RKO. Man, Randy Orton really is the new Steve Austin. Well, he had a better start than the Ringmaster. That leaves Orton and Cena to have a long staredown. RAW just loves going over time lately.

Any RAW you can call unpredictable is a step up. This wasn’t bad but too many people who are not in the hunt for a title are spinning their wheels waiting to get past Night of Champions. And we still don’t have #1 contenders for the Tag Championships.

LaBelle Lock is the name of Bryan’s finisher.

WWE NXT
Okay, remember that incredible 6’9” NXT rookie I was gushing over last week? Well, she already got canned. Apparently there are some less than PG pictures of her online. Didn’t WWE used to make deals with Playboy to have its Divas pose in the magazine annually? So, anyway the new, all diva NXT kicks off with only five weeks left before Smackdown takes its timeslot. No word on the future of the show after that.

There are only six rookies, as befits a five-week season. They are:

Jamie / Pro: Bella Twins

  • the former announcer from this show
  • loves the Twilight Saga, well, that will teach her how to suck
  • she gives 110%. That really sets her apart

Aksana / Pro: Goldust

  • Lithuanian
  • former fitness model
  • it helps to be able to pronounce the letter W when you work for WWE

Naomi / Pro: Kelly Kelly

  • sassy, funny, feisty
  • sings, raps, dances

AJ / Pro: Primo

  • also feisty
  • writes poetry, screenplays
  • likes comics, plays video games
  • she wants an action figure with exaggerated body parts

Maxine / Pro: Alicia Fox

  • they don’t let Alicia talk long after her major flubs on RAW
  • they are playing up her confidence
  • she has business sense, street sense and common sense. And yet she’s on this show

??? / Vickie Guererro

  • they keep it a secret for now
  • her name is Katlene
  • most of us were hoping for Awesome Kong
  • she’ll give you a wedgie

None of these people stand out yet. Wait, how can the first elimination be in four weeks? Did this show get a new timeslot? Are they going to keep adding new WWE stars forever? The dance off sucks but whoever wins the most challenges in the first four weeks is immune to being voted off at the first elimination. Naomi wins this time.

The hard sell of Legendary continues. Naomi seems to have some skill in the ring. Maxine, not so much. There’s a flag grabbing race challenge too. Naomi wins again. She’s getting a bit of a push here, isn’t she? But overall, I’m not impressed. WWE doesn’t value what I value in Divas, which is talent in the ring itself. This looks to be a lackluster season no matter how long it lasts.

Recaps for Smackdown and TNA to come…

Wrestling Recaps

Welcome to an all Smackdown wrestling recap!

We’re going way back with the opening promo. All the way to Teddy Long voiceovering the initial announcement of Undertaker being injured. We move on to Kane accusing Rey. The Taker’s return and the brothers feuding since. So what is Smackdown bringing to Night of Champions? The tired Kane/Undertaker match. One half of the women’s unification match and maybe Kofi/Dolph which is getting stale too.

But there are bright spots and Alberto Del Rio is one of them. The ring is decked out for a celebration. There’s a guy with appetizers – I’m not kidding. He destroys a piñata in a Rey Mysterio mask. Somebody has to shut this guy up and then job to him later and it looks like it’s going to be Christian. Captain Charisma calls him JBL, Juan Bradshaw Layfield. Then Enrique Iglesias. So, we’re hitting some of the obvious bits already, but apparently Christian already has a match tonight. That won’t stop them from getting into a fight. Alberto acts game then smiles as he leaves. “Another place, another time.” McIntyre jumps Christian, they have the match later but Del Rio still doesn’t take advantage.

Christian is hurt going into the match with Drew McIntytre and McIntyre has no problem taking advantage. Regardless, Christian wins the match with an out of nowhere cradle and Drew McIntyre sure isn’t “The Chosen One” any more.

Michelle McCool faces Kelly Kelly. Layla on commentary is far more interesting than the in-ring action. When does Mrs. Undertaker ever lose? Did you know WWE went to China? Because they’re sure telling us a lot. Why would we want Hornswoggle to speak? And why would we want to see a bad actor playing a psychologist giving a leprechaun electro shock therapy?

I see Chris Masters in the ring and my hopes fall. Then Vickie Guererro comes out and it only gets worse. At least Dolph Ziggler isn’t facing Kofi Kingston. The match is a squash. Next up, Big Show versus Luke Gallows and CM Punk. With none of these guys holding a championship they look to be left off Night of Champions. So how long will this feud drag out? The match lasts a while, but is a fairly straightforward affair. Show gets a submission victory over Gallows, which is unusual. Then Punk hits the Go To Sleep on Gallows. The Straight Edged Society seems to be on its last legs.

Jack Swagger gets to host the VIP Lounge. Big whoop. There’s his “dad” in a neck brace. Jack does some push-ups before MVP comes out to armchair quarterback Swagger hosting his show. I love how Swagger uses his dad in a wheelchair as a shield. MVP doesn’t look good when he gets physical with Swagger’s injured dad. And, again, we have people who are supposed to be non-wrestlers getting involved in physicality. Exactly the sort of thing that makes people think they can imitate this stuff.

Are all the faces on this show hurt? Matt Hardy limps to the ring to face Cody Rhodes. Cody running down Matt’s current looks is sad because it’s true. Poor Hardy gets buried on the mic and in the match. I think it’s time to say goodbye to Matt. I’ve liked him for a long time but he’s reached the stage where he has no hope to advance and he’s tarnishing his legacy now. Go join TNA where you are young by comparison.

Kane does a lot of talking. Another problem with this feud is that these characters are out of step with modern wrestling. This is not an era where we accept wrestlers having supernatural powers. So putting this two against each other in a feud about being the Devil’s favorite child just seems childish nowadays. Kane gets some nice histrionics in before Taker finally shows his still healing face. Kane disappears in a blackout and, after a long tease, even the coffin is empty. Kane then appears in a pre-taped promo. They’re trying so hard to make Kane seem capable of beating his “brother” but is anyone buying it?

Is anyone buying Night of Champions? So far the big draw to me is the rumored Daniel Bryan versus The Miz match. Is that enough to get me to part with money? I’m not sure yet, but there’s at least a chance. I haven’t been able to say that about a TNA PPV in ages.

Posted on September 5th, 2010 by Lucian | Leave a Comment
Filed Under Entertainment

Lucians Wrestling Recap

The 900th RAW is upon us, complete with a video package recapping some highlights. We open with Bret Hart, who Cole points out was a big part of the early years of RAW. Way to make him look old. Bret points out only The Undertaker is left from the days of the first show. I’m sure Howard Finkle feels snubbed, but it’s Kane who comes out, importing the bad Smackdown storyline straight into the big RAW show. Kane runs Hart and Taker down at the same time. Kane decides since Taker took out the icon Shawn Michaels he needs to take out an icon too, but since Bret is untouchable the Hart Dynasty stall Kane long enough for his “brother” to magically appear. Kane tries to back off, but E-GM pings in a message. He reverses himself and sets a main event of Undertaker versus… Bret Hart?! No… just no. Stop pretending Hart can wrestle and live in the present.

There are going to be video packages all night I guess. We’re wasting show time on NXT rookies? Triple threat tag match between Kofi/McGuillicudy, Daniel Brayn with Kaval and, of course, The Miz and Alex Reilly. It’s an okay match with a nice quick pace and it ends with Miz hitting the Skull Crushing Finale on Kaval for a clean win. Reilly goes after Bryan, gets fought off, but sets up Miz to briefcase shot Daniel Bryan.

Melina and Eve take on LayCool in another incredibly short match. Melina gets the win on Layla. LayCool offers a unification match as Night of Champions. Melina is all set to accept but she wants a Lumbjack (Jill?) Match.

Nexus admits Skip Sheffield has a broken ankle and they are looking weak, but tonight they face Cena, Edge, Sheamus, Jericho and Orton. Jericho promises to leave WWE if he doesn’t win at Night of Champions. Josh isn’t impressed given how many times this has happened before, but I suspect Jericho will take some time off and, when he comes back, he’d be much more useful as a face on Smackdown.

John Morrison and R-Truth reunite to face the thrown together team of “Dashing” Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre to determine new #1 contenders to the Unified Tag Team Title. King puts over J.R. and even mentions “Puppies” for old time’s sake. It breaks down before it really starts and the ref throws the match out. There’s a brawl afterwards but the match lengths have been a joke so far tonight.

And Hart/Taker is next so that’s not going to change. Wade Barrett doesn’t even let the match start. He tries to take both down. He doesn’t even get past Taker. The lights go down and Kane appears. The Brothers of Destruction have a brawl that shows Taker is starting to regain something of his old self. Tthe lights go down again when Taker is set up for a Chokeslam and Kane vanishes. The rest of Nexus show up to face Taker, who actually holds them all off. The lights go down again and, when they come up, Barret has Taker set up for his finisher, which he hits. Cue Justin Gabriel with the 450 Splash.

Jack Swagger and Evan Bourne’s match gets interrupted by Alberto Del Rio. Again a very short match and, if you were wondering whose push had stalled more, Swagger wins, but Del Rio steals the heat immediately with more excellent mic work. After a commercial we are joined by the No Girls Allowed Straight Edged Society. Punk runs down The Rock. He runs down RAW’s lack of family values by bringing up Katie Vick. If you don’t know what that means never look it up.

CM Punks bottom four shameful moments of RAW:

#4 HHH home invades Randy Orton
#3 John Cena throws Edge into Long Island Sound
#2 DX trespass on WCW
#1 Stone Cold’s Beer Bath

Okay, that was the best use of the 900th show so far tonight. Cue the breaking glass and Austin’s entrance music, but nobody comes out. Punk laughs at his little joke. Then he shows Show and Brock Lesnar (“I don’t know who that other guy is”) breaking a ring. He stoops to a fat joke. Show actually shows up when his music plays. Show brings up the time Eddie Guerrero gave him a laxative tainted burrito. Nice to refer to Eddie, but that happened on Smackdown. Show points out other embarrassing things he’s done. He mentions he did impressions then busts out his Hulk BLEEPing Hogan impression. What is going on at WWE lately? Since when do they remember people working for TNA now? Violence, of course, breaks out and Gallows is thrown to the wolves. This was a fine segment but why not shave two or three minutes off it to add to the actual wrestling? Oh yeah, the remaining McMahons consider this a variety show.

A recap with Kurt Angle? WWE is not supposed to do things that confuse me. It confuses me. Sheamus promo time. Edge interrupts us to remind us of the many things he’s done in the WWE and make a Beeker joke at Sheamus’s expense. We have about ten minutes left in this show so the main event is not going to be an epic to make up for the fact we didn’t get one truly decent match all night. And they keep killing time with filler to boot.

By the time the match starts, and it’s elimination, the show should already be over. We may be running very long here. Jericho walks away and gets counted out. Edge shoves the ref and gets disqualified. So it’s five on three in short order. Sheamus at least stands and fights as minute after minute passes when I’d rather be in bed.  Sheamus wanders into the Nexus corner and they all ht him, justifying his pin. It’s five on the two biggest faces in the WWE. Cena takes out Slater quickly to prevent a sweep, but David Ortunga falls to the STF. Before Cena can stand though, Gabriel hits him with the 450 Splash and pins him. RKO on Gabriel, out. RKO on Tarver, out. Barrett hits his finisher on Orton, Nexus wins. That was about ten minutes overtime and even then the main event was only acceptable in length, and general. I expected something special from this show. I did not get it.

Kaval wins NXT. Next season (all 5 episodes) is all Divas including one who is 6’9”!

TNA has a PPV this weekend and I just can’t say I care. The addition of the EV 2.0 guys taking major roles in storylines has totally thrown away any internal momentum the roster had. WWE has done so much better with a bunch of rookies in Nexus than TNA has with a bunch of has-beens in EV 2.0. I’m sorely tempted to just stop watching the show and I don’t blame anyone who feels the same. If you want a more detailed recap you’ll have to look elsewhere, at least this week.

Smackdown will get its own column later. Until then, lemme tell ya something, brother!

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