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WWE Battleground

This Sunday is WWE Battleground! First some thoughts on the previous PPV, Money in the Bank. I didn’t to do badly on my last predictions going 2-4. I enjoyed the PPV and I thought both MITB matches were pretty stellar as was the Tag Titles match. There were some duds, including Rusev vs Big E and Paige vs Naomi, but that is to be expected. Anyway, on with the predictions.

WWE Battlefield 4 Way Match

WWE Championship Fatal Four-Way Match
John Cena vs Roman Reigns vs Kane vs Randy Orton

My pick: John Cena

Anyone who thinks they are going to the take the title off Cena after three weeks are deluding themselves, especially as the main event for Summerslam is pretty much set in stone as Cena vs Lesnar. Besides it doesn’t make much sense to take it off Cena and put it on any of the other guys in the match. Reigns needs more time to be built up. Have him win the Rumble and have him take the title at Wrestlemania. Kane is in there to stop Orton from winning the match to force The Authority to go to plan C (a.k.a. Lesna).

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WWE Intercontinental Championship Battle Royal
Alberto Del Rio vs. Big E vs. Bo Dallas vs. Cesaro vs. Curtis Axel vs. Diego vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Fandango vs. Heath Slater vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Rob Van Dam vs. R-Truth vs. Ryback vs. Sheamus vs. Sin Cara vs. The Great Khali vs. The Miz vs. Titus O’Neil vs. Xavier Woods vs. Zack Ryder

My pick: Dolph Ziggler
Wildcards: Sheamus, The Miz or Bo Dallas

Whereas the main event is probably the easiest match I could predict the winner. This one I really don’t have a clue. It could be any one of these guys but I am leaning towards four guys in particular. Dolph Ziggler is most dependable guy in the ring and could bring the title back to some sort of relevance again, like my next suggestion Sheamus has done with the United States title. I could see him winning to unify the titles and possibly turn heel in the process. The Miz also seems like a favourite for this match but his last title reign was a disaster but now he is back playing the heel he could use his new gimmick to show off more. My final pick is Bo Dallas, now I’m yet to be impressed with his in ring work but to be fair he’s not been in with any top workers but I love to hate him and the gimmick. That’s what a heel is supposed to do so I would give him a cheap win like having him hide or waiting outside shaking hands with performers or ringside people and then when there is one or two left have him eliminate them. Then do his little victory lap and maybe then bam! Bad News Barrett nails him with the title turning him face and setting up a feud for when he returns. A quick note on Bad News Barrett I hope this injury doesn’t side-line him too long and I hope WWE will give him the chance to get back to his spot because the Bad News gimmick is so over. I would even keep him on TV as he recovers using the gimmick to keep him over.

WWE Battlefield Match

Seth Rollins vs Dean Ambrose

My pick: Dean Ambrose

This will be match of the night in my opinion. They’ve worked so many times against each other on the indie scene and even in NXT where I saw a amazing match between the two. Ambrose was beaten down quite badly on RAW by Rollin, Orton and Kane. My usual theory is if you get beat or beaten down on the go home show of RAW usually means you’re coming away with the win at the big event. It’s not always right but it’s just a theory. I also think Ambrose needs the win more than Rollins right now. Rollins won’t be cashing in the briefcase for a while and I am sceptical of whether he will have the briefcase. A win could mean Ambrose challenging Rollins at Summerslam for the briefcase and possibly winning it but it’s still too soon commit to that. Ambrose’s gimmick is getting more and more over each week which is good because when they turned Rollins instead of him I thought he might struggle but it’s really working for him. I think this will be a DQ ending with Rollins using the briefcase and setting up the Summerslam match as No DQ which I’m sure will be amazing as well.

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WWE Tag Team Titles 2 Out of 3 Falls
The Uso’s vs Harper and Rowan

My pick: Harper and Rowan

I predicted them to win last time out and was wrong and I’m going with them again but I could also see this feud being stretched out to Summerslam so a win here for them could mean The Uso’s would regain the titles at Summerslam. I really think this could be a contender for match of night, their match at MITB was brilliant and so have their matches on RAW. This another match that could go either way because something on RAW last week or the week before was Harper pinning the wrong Uso which could set up for perhaps a Uso’s win by pulling the old switcheroo but I really do think that Harper and Rowan win here.

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Bray Wyatt vs Chris Jericho

My pick: Bray Wyatt

Wyatt will win here simply because he has to. He’s in danger of losing momentum; I don’t think his feud with Cena did him any favours. Also Jericho is one of the greats so you know you are getting a great match with him and you know he is there to put Wyatt over. They really need to start building up Wyatt as more as unstoppable heel monster with Undertaker effectively retired and Kane looking like he is slowing down. Wyatt will be perfect to pick up the monster gimmick. I see some sort of screwy ending to take the feud onto Summerslam and possibly onto Night of Champions.

WWE Battleground

Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Colter vs Rusev w/ Lana

My pick: Rusev

They finally turned Swagger baby face which is something I’ve expected since Rusev and Lana debuted and going on their Anti-USA tirades. I think the big plus that both Swagger and Rusev have going for them is they have two tremendous talents in Zeb and Lana doing the talking for them. The turn for Swagger and Zeb has been tremendous; I don’t even think WWE could have predicted that it could have been this well received. I think this will be a very back and forth match with Swagger out wrestling Rusev and taking him off his feet though I still see Rusev picking up the win probably off a distraction by the ravishing Russian Lana who I swear gets hotter by the day! I see this going to Summerslam where Swagger will get the win and there will be a celebration ala Lex Luger when he beat Yokozuna at Summerslam 93 except it will be better booked.

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WWE Divas Title
AJ Lee vs Paige

My pick: AJ Lee

I was really torn over this one because whatever the outcome Paige will be turning heel. I could see her winning and regaining the title by heel tactics and then going on full post match beatdown. I think the most likely scenario will be Paige dominating the match and just when she has AJ beat, goes for the Paige turner and AJ counters into a small package or the black widow and gets the win. Then post match Paige flips and turns heel. I was really surprised when they took the title off Paige because I felt she was doing an adimirable job. They just weren’t booking against any of the decent worker on the Divas roster. How they put Naomi and Cameron in Divas titles matches on PPV instead of Natalya who can pull a good match out of any Diva and not afraid to put over a newcomer (see NXT match against Charlotte) is beyond me.

Well there we are folks, Please leave a comment with your own predictions. You can also follow me on twitter @KG4231 where you will find my ramblings on wrestling, film and games. Enjoy WWE Battleground!

WWE Money in the Bank Logo

WWE Money in the Bank is this Sunday and here are my predictions for the championship and traditional MITB style matches that have been set on the card.

WWE Money In The Bank Main Event

WWE World Championship Ladder Match
John Cena vs Kane vs Roman Reigns vs Randy Orton vs Sheamus vs Alberto Del Rio vs Cesaro vs Bray Wyatt

My Pick: John Cena
Wildcard: Cesaro

Now before the IWC goes apeshit listen to my reasoning. This this is the smart choice, if as expected Lesnar will face the champion and win the title at Summerslam, then the only logical choice is to put it on Cena. He and Reigns are the only two pure faces in the match. Sheamus doesn’t count becuase I think he’s going heel soon. So they need a face to go against Lesnar at Summerslam. If you put the title on Reigns and he goes and loses it again Lesnar then you basically kill any momentum he’s going to have.

The wildcard here is Cesaro and if they are ready to push him through the roof already. It’s a possibility that he wins and then turns face on Heyman the next night on Raw saying something like that he doesn’t need him or is tired of him talking about Lesnar when he is now the #1- as in world champion, One idea I could see happening is WWE putting the Briefcase on someone like Kofi Kingston or Dolph Ziggler with the way he’s been booked lately to actually lose the briefcase in a match on RAW. This could put things back on track for WWE’s original plan of Cesaro as Mr. MITB, which he would cash in and beat Lesnar turning face. I dunno, but it’s interesting. Either way, I think Lesnar will take the title at Summerslam.

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The Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Seth Rollins vs Kofi Kingston vs Jack Swagger vs Dolph Ziggler vs Rob Van Dam vs Bad News Barrett vs Dean Ambrose

My Pick: Bad News Barrett
Wildcard: Dolph Ziggler

This was a real tough choice as I had Rollins to win until Ambrose was announced. I figure they will probably keep each other from winning the contract with some pretty cool ladder spots. Let’s face it, Van Dam like Kingston are in there for cool looking spots with the ladders. They are not going to win unless it plays out ala Cesaro beating them for the briefcase. After Rollins it was toss up between BNB and Dolph. Dolph has been in the doghouse of late apparently cos of his injuries, so maybe this would be moment he gets out- but if a face is leaving champion then Dolph I’m afraid I’ve got some BAD NEWS! (sorry, I had to do that quote)

They are probably going with a heel to win the contract and at the moment in WWE there is no one better that Bad News Barrett. He’s has been a revelation since he got back into the gimmick and it’s slowly starting to turning him face. His matches are getting so much better, his IC tournament match with Sheamus was a pure old fashioned brawl and I LOVED it. His match on last night’s RAW with Dolph was amazing too, they had the crowd into it, did great near falls, and some awesome moves. Barrett’s Bull Hammer has become my favourite finisher just ahead of the Cesaro uppercut. They are like Shawn Michaels’ Sweet Chin Music. They can hit them from anywhere and on anyone. No better feeling as a wrestling fan than to see someone who’s got all the momentum in the match to launch themselves off the top rope and then WHAM! Bull Hammer/Uppercut and match is over. Bottom line, I give this to Bad News Barett. He was supposed to win two years ago but got injured. Now is his time; he has the support and he has the great gimmick. Push him now through the ceiling, plus if the idea to is to turn him face then cash it in against Lesnar and that will be the moment that everyone will talk about!

(Disclaimer: I support BNB because I’m English. ’nuff said.)

WWE Money in the Bank

WWE Divas Title
Paige vs Naomi

My pick: Paige

This is the easiest match to call. Paige will win. It’s a shame they are not putting her in the ring with credible divas like Natalya and AJ. They will need to start bringing up Charlotte from NXT soon to give the divas roster a boost with actual talent. It’s also stupid booking as I think Paige winning the match will rank second to the “Story line breakup” of the funkadactyls, does anyone actually care about that by the way? *listens for crickets chirping* Think that Paige will hold the title at least until AJ returns or confirms she’s pregnant. Then Paige will probably be put in a meaningful feud… well, one can hope anyway.

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WWE Tag Team Championship
The Uso’s vs Harper and Rowan

My pick: Harper and Rowan

I feel for the Uso’s, they are a great team but they haven’t been in any meaningful matches since they really won the titles. No feuds (really) and relegated to being Cena’s back up against the Wyatt family. But this could be what they need. I think Harper and Rowan get the titles cheaply, maybe Bray interferes, or maybe a blackout, etc. This would kick start the feud between the two teams where the Uso’s would regain the titles at Summerslam in a gimmick match. Just my prediction.

I hope that you like my predictions, I’m expecting more matches to be announced… I expect Rusev with Ravishing Lana against Big E and possibly Bo Dallas. I don’t care about either match, but I could watch Lana all day long 😉 .

I will be making this a regular column before every WWE PPV.  Please feel free to leave you predictions in the comments as well.

WWE Vengeance results: The tag title match opened the show with Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger challenging Air Boom, Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne. Kofi and Evan maintain after some good action and, immediately, Dolph Ziggler has to defend his United States championship against Zack Ryder. It’s a short match and Jack Swagger’s interference allows Ziggler to retain as well. I would have preferred the reverse results for these two matches.

The Diva’s title is next as Beth Phoenix defends against Eve. Beth and Natalya Niedhart have been on a crusade to punish the “Barbie Doll” Divas of the WWE. At least everyone else is banned from ringside for this. Eve impressed me a lot more than usual in this match, but Beth comes out on top via a Glam Slam.

Christian has to face Sheamus next despite his desire for yet another world title match. Sheamus gets a clean win which lines him up to be Mark Henry’s next opponent.

Triple H allows himself to be fairly low down the card as he teams with CM Punk against The Miz and R-Truth. It’s a good match and Triple H is still in fine ring shape, but Kevin Nash shows up again and attacks Triple H outside the ring. Why the ref ignores this is beyond me. Miz and Truth are able to pin CM Punk and Nash continues the beat down on Hunter after the match ends. So, is Nash finally cleared to wrestle? Will we see him face HHH at Survivor Series?

Is it bad I had forgotten Cody Rhodes faces Randy Orton tonight? This is non-title which makes it far more likely Randy Orton wins. Cody’s facemask remains a solid addition to his character. Both guys really give it their all and it’s a great match as a result. A distraction by one of Randy Orton’s “baggers” allows for the Cross Rhodes, but it’s not enough. Rhodes tries to steal Orton’s RKO finisher but Orton counters and this sets up Orton hitting the rope-hung DDT and the RKO for the win. Yeah, most likely outcome happens. Sometimes WWE is too predictable for their own good.

(Remember, The Rock wrestles at Survivor Series.)

The Mark Henry/Big Show match is back. Henry has been a monster lately, bulldozing through the roster and inducting injured superstars into his “Hall of Pain.” Big Show was one of his first victims and now he’s back for revenge. Take away Henry’s title and you take away the only thing that validates his fifteen-year career. This match is way better than anybody expected. It builds well and we get an incredible spot where Henry superplexes Big Show and the ring collapses! You can bet there are a ton of replays of that spot. Neither man can continue afterwards so it’s an non-finish that should drag this feud out for a while. Meanwhile, it leaves the main event with a destroyed ring. It’s a Last Man Standing Match so that’s not as big a deal as it would usually be.

Del Rio’s announcer jumped-on and attacked Cena early on, which allowed Del Rio himself to gain an early advantage in the offense. It was a good back and forth match with some smashed tables and a lot of general violence. But Miz and R-Truth interfere near the end and that’s enough to tip the balance Alberto’s way. So Cena doesn’t get yet another title match and has a built in feud going into Survivor Series.

Expectations were low for this and I’d say the show exceeded them. The ring implosion was pretty impressive and it’s clear Miz and R-Truth will spearhead the team opposing John Cena and The Rock at Survivor Series. That’s one of WWE’s big four annual shows so it should be even better.

Hard to believe but we’re into my final four columns. Or maybe I’ll do an epilogue after my Mania live recap. We’ll see. I will miss doing this but I need to spend more time at the office.

So Teddy Long steps in and says Edge and Del Rio can’t touch each other before Mania or they are both off the card. Edge is pissed because Del Rio already hurt him and he can’t retaliate. Meanwhile, in the arena itself, CM Punk arrives and we get a quick recap of his set-up and ambush on Randy Orton from RAW. He’s facing Rey Mysterio, who he robbed of the chance to beat Randy Orton clean. It’s a very good match and given some time but Cody Rhodes runs in for yet another non-finish. Rhodes delivers repeated Headbutts with his mask the lifts his pant leg to reveal a knee brace. He delivers running knee strike directly to Rey’s face.

Not only is Edge planning to face Drew McIntyre tonight he also plans to be in Christian’s corner when he faces Alberto Del Rio. Oh Edge’s match is now? His left elbow is heavily taped. You know if a guy has an injured left arm why not target the right one so he has no arms left at all? Edge still wins with a submission hold based entirely in the right arm. And he can follow up with a Spear too.

Repeat a HHH/Undertaker video from RAW (and NXT) then Kelly Kelly and Rosa Mendez are set to lose to Lay-Cool. Lay-Cool come out mocking Snooki with their hairstyles and footwear. This might be hilarious if I watched Jersey Shore. The faces ambush on the antics. Some matches you are glad are short. Subsequent promo highlights include Trash Stratus and John Snorrison.

Surprise Intercontinental title match as Wade Barrett, accompanied by his stablemates from The Corre, faces Kofi Kingston. Ok match. Kofi has Barrett where he wants him until Gabriel distracts the ref. Slater tries to interfere so Kofi hits him with Trouble in Paradise. But when he tries it again on Barrett the Brit has recovered enough to reverse the move into Wasteland. 1…2…3! We have a new Intercontinental Champion and Kofi has to be disappointed with his reign. A 450 Splash lets Kofi know he’s beign depushed. Maybe, just maybe, he gets a rematch at Wrestlemania. More likely he ends up on a four-man team with Big Show, Kane and someone else to face The Corre.

Time to continue the war of words between The Undertaker and HHH. How is it Undertaker can say Armageddon with ease but says “prolific” instead of “prophetic”? He’s going to be on RAW Monday to go face to face with HHH. Does everything big have to happen on RAW? Is Smackdown truly the B-show now?

Michael Cole is in full on booster mode as Jack Swagger faces R-Truth. Truth does an ugly looking rolling flip to the outside. He clearly lands on his shoulder but sells a hurt leg so Swagger can go for the Ankle Lock and Truth taps out.

Whole segments go by with no new material.

Main event time. I have nothing against Brodus Clay but do both The Miz and Alberto Del Rio need an NXT dropout hanging around them? It makes them seem too similar. The Del Rio characters is so incredibly different from Dos Caras Jr. and yet the performer behind both of them can excel in both roles. Wresters who can excel as both faces and heels are not a dime a dozen. Christian has looked great in the match. He nearly gets a pin but Rodriguez puts Del Rio’s foot on the rope. The leads Edge to attack him and Brodus Clay to go after Edge. Edge manages to Spear Clay, taking the focus totally off the match, then follows up with a chair. This is enough to distract Del Rio for the Kill Switch and Christian beats Del Rio again! Edge really wants to waffle Del Rio with the chair but Christian stops him. So Christian decides he can hit Del Rio and not get fired.

This was a good show and it did what it was supposed to do, focus on Wrestlemania. Swagger’s win was the closest thing to a clean finish on the whole show, but this close to Mania every win seems to need an asterisk next to it.  But too much of the really good stuff is being saved for RAW. Smackdown has good matches on the WM card. We have Cody Rhodes versus Rey Mysterio which has been really well booked and has featured Rhodes’ best work ever. We have Edge/Del Rio which got some great emotion tonight. Something still has to be booked  involving The Corre, Big Show, Kane and maybe Kofi Kingston. If it were up to me I’d book a 4-on-3 Handicap match but if the faces win they get the titles. Undertaker versus HHH transcends both shows and, unless Taker is in much worse shape than they are letting on, I assume it will be the main event. One week left then it’s curtains for me. I hope you’ll stick around for the big finish.

Posted on March 26th, 2011 by Lucian | Comments Off on Wrestling Recap: WWE Smackdown (3/25/11)
Filed Under Entertainment

I’m sorry one of the last RAWs I’ll be recapping starts with Michael Cole dressed up as JR. But HHH showing up improves the situation. The streak may be bigger than all HHH’s championships combined. Hunter wants Undertaker on RAW next week so he can look him in the eye and tell him the streak will end. Ted Dibiase interrupts HHH because he’s sick of being overlooked. Dibiase looks to make a name for himself at Trip’s expense but it doesn’t come close to working out that way. Dibiase gets Pedigreed through the announce desk before this is over. They’re wrecking the announce desk in the opening segment? I bet Cole is glad for his Cole Mine.

We get a rematch of the Sheamus/Evan Bourne match from a few weeks back. Don’t expect Bourne to get another win here. This is non-title. Bourne misses a 450 early then immediately eats a Brogue Kick to end the ridiculously short match. Daniel Bryan comes back to set up the Wrestlemania rematch. Sheamus throws the title at him then kicks him in the head.

Eve faces Maryse in another non-title match. Having seen Maryse be something of a face on NXT it’s clear she’s a natural heel. That’s on display tonight. Once again Cole has no patience for the Divas and runs down the match. Not liking Eve I actually feel the same way. Eve wins and security has to keep her from going after Cole.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov get their rematch with The Corre. It’s another match that isn’t given enough time to develop and a simple distraction by Wade Barrett gets The Corre the win. The beatdown afterward is interrupted by Kane and The Big Show. Then the proper beatdown commences as Show and Kane, with a little help from Santino just destroy The Corre. Show and Kane tandem Chokeslamming Ezekial Jackson is a high point.

John Cena is at home on satellite. The Rock will be on RAW next week, live, and Cena promises to settle any problem with The Rock then. Lawler asks if Cena has underestimated The Miz and John says a flat “yes.” He gives honest and fair praise to The Miz. But tonight The Miz wants to rewrite history. At Wrestlemania John plans to make history.

Just what I didn’t need, more Cole. He and his trainer Jack Swagger are in the ring. Lawler family photos are not entertaining. Neither is Michael Cole. When Cole calls Lawler’s whole family losers Jerry actually gets the jump on Swagger. But Cole runs away until Swagger can recover then it’s all about the ankle.

It’s good to be Dolph Ziggler as he is accompanied to the ring by two beautiful women… and Vickie Guerrero. John Morrison gets to come in with Trish Stratus so he’s not exactly in bad shape either. Let’s just hope this is a real match. It isn’t as it’s stopped and restarted as a handicap mixed tag match. I think the E-GM called it an intergender match. Were that true the men and women could fight each other. Trish looks a lot better in sensible shoes. Vickie is even in the match. Josh Matthews gets the intergender term correct. Props to Josh. He’s the future of WWE. Turns out it is an intergender match as Vickie scores the pin over John Morrison.

Sin Cara is getting awesome video promos. We also get a great video of superstars and legends reacting to the HHH and Undertaker feud. Jericho! Apparently he was middle of the pack on Dancing With The Stars. But that’s better than that singing show where he went night 1. It’s time for a Wrestlemania Rewind match as Randy Orton faces Rey Mysterio. I wonder who is going to interfere? Anyway, this finally feels like a real match. Then CM Punk shows up on the TitanTron and goes after Orton’s wife in Orton’s tour bus. Orton abandons the match, natch, but Punk ambushes him with a monkey wrench to the leg. Punk expects Orton won’t be kicking anybody in the head at Wrestlemania. Orton’s wife is hot.

Why is Alex Riley still here? Miz rehired him as Vice President of Corporate Communication. Miz’s suit must be seen to be believed yet he totally owns it. Miz once again sings his own praises. He even claims to be more physically dominant than Andre. Miz flips the W on his microphone over to make it an M. Then he reveals a custom belt with the same design. They really want us to believe he might win at Mania, don’t they? At least the title doesn’t spin.

Cena is back on video. He killed the radio star. He’s cutting his promo as guys suddenly show up and take away the props and backdrop to reveal that Cena is in the building. Clever, I like it. Miz throws a seriously heavy table over the ropes at Cena. Risky. Once Cena fights off both guys Miz throws Riley to the wolves. An STF makes him tap out but Cena just keeps going. Miz starts coming back so Cena breaks. Miz retreats, Cena puts the hold back on. Three refs can’t pull Cena off. Finally Riley is out cold and Cena

Come on guys. Give me a decent match to say nice things about. I’m sick of just praising the promos. I want to see some decent wrestling on my road to retirement.

Posted on March 22nd, 2011 by Lucian | Comments Off on Wrestling Recap: WWE Raw (3/21/11)
Filed Under Entertainment

Welcome to Daylight Savings Time. It was light when I got home. Pitch black on the way to the subway in the morning though. Wrestlemania is 20 days away as RAW begins. Tonight Sheamus puts his job on the line to try to win the US title. We have The Rock via satellite and we get to watch him have a fake phone conversation then diss a child Cena impersonator. This is weak sauce. Rock has to be nice to the kid and that’s not what I want to see from him right now. It’s when he turns his attention to The Miz that Rock gets serious and it’s far better. Rock promises he’ll be on a live RAW before Wrestlemania.

Snooki is the guest host. Most of what I know about her comes from SNL.

They have Cole in a plexiglass cell now. Sadly, there are air holes. He calls it his Cole Mine and it’s for his protection. Now we get The Miz out to respond. Rock’s dad and grandaddy were never WWE champion. And generally Rock sucks. The E-GM pipes up book Miz and Cena against opponents they have never faced before. Later tonight, Cena gets Del Rio. Miz gets… The Great Khali. Being as big as he is Khali is given a lot of offence against The Miz. Alex Reilly, who was supposed to have been fired, attacks Khali for the DQ but Miz absolutely brutalizes Khali with a steel chair after the match. Multiple shots to the back, one of which opens a small cut and we see some blood on WWE TV the only way we can, by accident.

We get a lengthy Triple H promo and still nobody is mentioning Trips already lost to Taker at Mania. Annoying interchange between Snooki and Vickie Guererro. These may be the two people I least want to see on WWE programming. Charlie Sheen would be a step up from this.

US Title Match time. This is a good match and it goes two segments. I’m really not sure where they are going with this so the outcome is unpredictable. When Bryan comes off the top rope straight into a Brogue Kick Sheamus becomes the new United States Champion. That was a completely clean win as well. No cheating of consequence in the entire match.

Cole takes to the ring promising his guest will reveal Lawler for what he really is. The guest is Brian Christopher, aka Brian Lawler aka Grand Master Sexay. Yes, Lawler son gets another WWE paycheck despite being a long time screw-up who blew all his other chances. I do love hearing “Bangin’ It” again but it’s on my MP3 player so it’s not like I rely on this rare guest appearance to hear it. Brian plays the neglectful dad card but he’s not exactly on fire on the microphone. Lawler calls him a bigger screw-up than Charlie Sheen. These two are showing no hint of insincerity in running each other down. Brian points out he wrestled at Mania before his daddy. Brian starts slapping and shoving his dad as Jerry just eyes him up from his chair. Cole continues to run down King when BOOMER SOONER it’s good ol’ JR! JR (Aka Jim Ross, long-time RAW announcer) tries to be the voice of reason and get Cole to back off. Apparently you can say “rat bastard” on TV. I actually am a rat bastard. My teenage biological mother was not married and I was born in 1972, during the Chinese year of the rat. JR starts taking off his coat and tie fixing to fight Cole. But Jack Swagger shows up, takes out Lawler and heads for JR. It’s an easy matter to beat down JR and he taps immediately in the Ankle Lock. Lawler recovers enough to try to make the save but the Ankle Lock does it again. Even Cole locks an Ankle Lock on JR. Dear lord that was long.

Randy Orton faces Mason Ryan to see if Punk will have anyone in his corner at Wrestlemania. My money is on Ryan. Ryan has an ugly new haircut. I’m wrong. Ryan loses to an RKO out of nowhere. The punt to the head looks terrible since it clearly hits the shoulder. Who knew The Corre would fare better than the New Nexus?

Flashback to the fun moment when Drew Carey entered the Royal Rumble. But that’s a pretty weak reason to induct him into the celebrity wing of the Hall of Fame. Snooki approves of Zack Ryder so I can’t totally hate her. But she’s connected to Vickie Guererro wrestling again so that’s a big strike. It’s a No-DQ match. So Lay-Cool run in and hand Vickie the match and a job. Is Trish going to wrestle at Mania or something? Then Snooki ends up in the fight and she and Trish get the upperhand. And remember kids, it takes years of training to do these moves. John Morrison is also involved, as is Dolph Ziggler and, yep, six-person mixed tag match at Wrestlemania. I bet both John and Dolph wish they still had a Money in the Bank match.

Main event: Alberto Del Rio (with Brodus Clay) faces John Cena. I would love to see Del Rio win, although it would have to be because of Miz-terference, but I’m not going to hold my breath. Del Rio is a great heel because the crowd is actually solidly behind Cena. It’s a good match and it’s competitive. But when Cena gets Del Rio set-up for the Attitude Adjustment Brodus Clay attacks him and we get an inconclusive DQ finish. The heels try to beat down Cena but The Rock’s music plays and The Miz comes out in a bald skullcap. Cena can’t fight off the other two and Miz hits him with a Rock Bottom. A brief three-way beatdown segues into Miz alone doing a solo assault. Miz uses a microphone as a weapon, When he rips his shirt off I’m reminded Miz has gotten into much better physical condition since he started out. He’s intimidate me if I met him. We tease a Cena recovery on the stage but a Skull Crushing Finale end that. Miz slamming Cena into the giant spinning W prop then another SCF on its base caps the show with Miz looking better and better every week. I’m sure he’s going to lose the title but he may be able to remain a star.

I’m invested in Wrestlemania but I did not need Snookie.

Posted on March 15th, 2011 by Lucian | Comments Off on Wrestling Recap: WWE Raw Week Ending 3/19/11
Filed Under Entertainment

HHH, theoretically a RAW Superstar, will be on Smackdown tonight to respond to The Undertaker, a Smackdown Superstar, made on RAW. It’s definitely Wrestlemania time. But it’s Edge, the champion, who opens the show and we get a long recap of Christian coming to Edge’s rescue last week. Edge reminds us he went through a lot to get here. A little bloody nose is not going to stop him. He wants Del Rio for a fight. Del Rio shows with Brodus Clay. Del Rio has one epic line “I’m the man who’s going to replace your legacy, with my destiny.” The two-on-one assault again draws Christian and I smell a tag match coming. But Brodus and Del Rio are too much for Christian as well. And here’s Teddy Long. Tag match, Edge and Christian reunite for the first time in ten years.

Kane is here and Wade Barrett runs him down before their one-on-one match. No other members of The Corre in sight. That lasts less than a minute before the rest of The Corre run in and blatantly attack Kane for the DQ. Ezekial Jackson is able to bring down Kane but Big Show lumbers in with a steel chair and drives them off. At least that was brief.

I spoke too soon. Kane and Big Show are now mid-match with Barrett and Heath Slater. We get some unremarkable wrestling then Jackson and Gabriel run in again for a DQ again. The Corre beat down Kane again and Show gets a steel chair again. Gabriel takes yet another chair shot but the real payoff is Show swatting the downed Kane with the chair to show they are not bosom buddies just yet. If you’re from my generation you just pictured Kane and Big Show in dresses and wigs. No mention that these two are former tag team champions.

Insanely long recap of Cole/JBL/Austin from RAW. Let me clear something up before I end this column. I hate Michael Cole the character. I think Michael Cole the performer is doing a good job doing what he’s told to do. His “why me?” routine after Austin showed up with well acted. Cody Rhodes returns to action and makes short work of JTG. He is able to Headbutt JTG with the mask, which has been cleared as legal apparel. He still hates people looking at him and no longer wants to be called “dashing.”

Michael Cole is about to interview John Cena. Cena does us all a favor and just grabs Cole’s mic. Miz should have stayed under the radar. If Miz is the face of the WWE then Cena will break the face of the WWE. Cena makes the mistake of giving Cole the microphone back before he leaves and that lets Cole go off with loaded pro-Miz questions. Cena grabs Cole by the lapel and Jack Swagger comes to his pupil’s rescue. Cena sells for a bit before the comeback. We tease an Attitude Adjustment on Cole but Swagger throws himself under the bus and he’s the one who eats it.

The Sin Cara promo is awesome. Lay-Cool are here as Layla is set for one-on-one action. And the claim is they have made up yet again. Kaitlyn is her opponent if any of you remember the NXT winner. This is a complete squash. They beat her down for good measure.

Rey Mysterio returns and faces Drew McIntyre. Rey actually makes Drew look good and this is the best match I’ve seen in a while now. Rey does get the win but Drew has nothing to be ashamed of. Cody Rhodes comes to the ramp to ask for his answer. Rey wore, wears and will wear his mask with pride when he beats Cody at Wrestlemania.

HHH has realized why HBK couldn’t beat The Undertaker. Emotion was his Achilles Heel. That won’t stop Hunter.

Christian cuts a cool little promo rhyming off things that have arrived since the last time Edge and Christian tagged together like iEverything, YouTube, Survivor and Jersey Shore. The match itself is fine. Christian gets beaten on for a while then finally tags Edge just as Del Rio tags Brodus. That avoids having Edge ever face Del Rio. They let Brodus stop a Spear with a Big Clothesline which shows they must have faith in Clay. It breaks down. Christian manages to throw Del Rio to the outside then hit a Tornado DDT on Brodus Clay. That sets up Edge for a Flying Elbow to pick up the pin. Del Rio is not pleased at this hitch in his destiny.

I don’t know if there are a lot of people in the US who watch just one of the two shows but do we need huge recaps of RAW every Smackdown. How about we trim Cole and JBL a little and give Kofi Kingston some screen time? Still I finally got to see some decent wrestling with the Mysterio match and the main event so I’ll just sign off while Im ahead.

Posted on March 13th, 2011 by Lucian | Comments Off on Wrestling Recap: WWE Smackdown Week Ending 3/13/11
Filed Under Entertainment
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